Monthly Archives: January 2012
The Movie “The Lamp”
I watched this movie last night and it had the most amazing message that I needed to share it with you. It reminds you of what is possible when you believe in yourself and magic!!!
I hope that you enjoy this movie!!
Have a Blessed Week
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way
Love, Anger and Forgiveness: How To Let Go And Be Emotionally Free Once And For All
By: William G. DeFoore, Ph.D.
Anger and forgiveness seem to be opposites, and in many ways they are. You may be surprised to learn, however, that they have a lot in common. If you make anger the “bad guy,” you just won’t get to the forgiving part. Anger has to be fully understood and released before you get to move on to the freedom of forgiveness. Forgiveness has to be fully understood before you can let go of resentments and be emotionally whole and free.
It all starts with love. We are born with the need to love and be loved, and no one, even the best parents, can meet that need perfectly. Therefore we all feel hurt as a natural part of life. And of course, there are those hurts that are inflicted by abuse, abandonment and neglect, in some cases extreme.
From this pain, fear and anger naturally emerge. It makes perfect sense to be angry when you’re hurt. Anger is an important place to visit, you just don’t want to live there. Here is where forgiveness comes in. Forgiveness is the process of letting go of anger and resentment so that you can go on with your life. Forgiveness is for you, not for the forgiven. That is essential to understand.
Anger and forgiveness seem opposite, in the sense that anger involves an intense focus on the “wrongdoer,” and forgiveness involves shifting focus off of that person and moving on with your life. Yet there are some ways that anger and forgiveness are the same.
How Anger and Forgiveness Are The Same
Unhealthy anger and premature forgiveness both include:
-Judgment
-The “one-up” position
-Dishonoring to yourself
When you are angry at someone and blaming them, you are definitely judging them and putting yourself in a “one-up” position. The way you are dishonoring yourself here is that you are failing to look at your own creative responsibility in the situation. This is the hazard of the “blame game.” When you are into blaming others for your feelings, situation or plight, you are making yourself a victim and denying your own power and responsibility.
Premature forgiveness is forgiving someone when you’re not through being angry. You are still judging them, and therefore you’re seeing yourself as “one-up.” You are dishonoring yourself by pretending to forgive in your mind, when your heart and gut are still carrying anger and resentment.
Here are some important truths to remember when you’re angry:
-The other person is responsible for his/her actions that triggered your anger. You are not responsible for their behavior.
-You are responsible for your emotional reaction and for your actions that result from your emotional reaction. They are not responsible for your emotional reactions or your behavior that results.
Here are some other ways that anger and forgiveness are the same. When anger is healthy, and forgiveness is authentic, both involve:
-Power
-Release
-Letting go
-No more victim position
-Operating in a container of love
Both healthy anger and true forgiveness involve the power of healthy release and letting go, which takes you out of the victim position. This can only occur in a container of love. Anger can only be healthy when accompanied by some degree of love and wisdom, and forgiveness can only be true when it is based on love for yourself and/or another person.
Understanding Anger
Anger is the most misunderstood emotion. Most people just think it is bad. Here are some common misconceptions:
-Anger is a bad emotion and should always be controlled
-It is possible to be without anger completely
-It is wrong to be angry
-To be angry means to be out of control
-Anger is the same thing as aggression
-When a person is angry that means they are not safe to be around
These misconceptions result from the lack of understanding of healthy anger. Healthy anger is:
-A feeling you have when you’re threatened or opposed
-A protective emotion
-Powerful energy that can be used for positive outcomes
-Fuel for effective action
Have you ever taken action about something that made you angry? Think about MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. They got mad, and took action in healthy, appropriate ways to resolve the problem leading to their pain and anger. Here’s the bottom line on healthy anger:
Healthy anger fuels effective action!
Understanding True Forgiveness
True forgiveness is something that only your body can do. Surprised by that? Here’s the deal. Anger and resentments are held in the body as well as the mind, and your mind can decide to forgive long before your body is ready. Literally, your body has a mind of its own. Here are some things to understand about forgiveness:
-Forgiveness is not just a decision that you can make in your mind
-Forgiveness requires an emotional and physical release to be complete
-Your body is capable of holding onto anger long after your mind thinks it has forgiven
-Forgiveness does not absolve the wrongdoer—you don’t have that kind of power
-Withholding forgiveness does not hold the wrongdoer accountable—everyone is accountable whether you forgive or not
-Forgiving doesn’t mean you have decided that what the wrongdoer did is okay
-You don’t have to wait for the wrongdoer to change for you to forgive
-You won’t be able to forgive until you have fully examined the depth and extent of your wounds
-You won’t be able to forgive until you have acknowledged the full depths of your anger
-Forgiveness is for you
-Forgiveness is good for your health
-Forgiveness allows you to be more loving and joyful
You will know that you have forgiven when your body is relaxed and your breathing is deep and easy—while you visualize the wrongdoer and say, “I accept you for who you are, with all of your best and worst. I no longer need you to change. I forgive you for myself, so that I can be free. I forgive you so that I can let go of resentments and feel love and joy in my heart, mind and body.”
Your body will tell you if the forgiveness is complete.
Keys to Emotional Health and Freedom
-Take responsibility for your actions and emotions
-Do not accept blame for anything
-Place responsibility for others’ actions and emotions on them
-Do not blame anybody for anything
Here are some thoughts to consider about love:
-Love can be intoxicating, and therefore can lead to unhealthy decisions
-The need to love and be loved is the most powerful force in human nature
-Love is who you are in your spiritual essence
-Conditional love is not really love—it is more about control
-The only real love is unconditional love
-You will always remember those people in your life who have loved you unconditionally
-You are at your very best when you are experiencing unconditional love
Life starts with love. Anger is an inevitable emotion, which can temporarily or permanently take us away from love. When we work through our anger, we can forgive. Forgiveness is a return to love.
The greatest of these is love.
Have a Blessed Weekend
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way
Life’s a Journey Not a Destination – Enjoy Your Commute
http://wisdomalacarte.net/blog/lifes-a-journey-not-a-destination-enjoy-your-commute/2010/10/
By: Kimberley Cohen
I was driving on the highway the other day and a sign said, “Enjoy Your Commute”. I thought to myself, “Thank-you, I am”, and not just the road I was driving on, but the road of life.
Sure, there are still moments or days where I feel like I’ve hit a pothole, so to speak, where I wasn’t able to steer away from that one. Some are a little bigger than others, in fact, a few may even seem like the Grand Canyon, but the difference is I now remember that the road of life is under construction as well as paved with gold.
It wasn’t always that way though. There were many years where I felt I was always taking detours, or stuck in the traffic of negative thoughts, or feeling the road rage inside myself or the receiver of someone else’s, or my internal GPS system had completely shut down and I was lost, or questioning if the passengers in my life received their licenses from a Cracker Jack Box. Then I questioned my own and realized perhaps I also received mine from there.
You see, life is an ongoing journey, not a destination, and how much or little you enjoy the commute is really up to you.
Think of your life like a highway. Sometimes you can set the cruise control and motor right along and other times you are stuck in a traffic jam, or having to take the next exit, or there’s an unexpected delay and you are stuck, or the weather is a little tricky and your knuckles are a little white as you grip the steering wheel with all your might.
You might even be like the driver in who’s tooting his horn, or yelling at other drivers, or telling them how they should drive, or not letting them in, or cutting them off all together.
Perhaps you want to be like Mario Andretti on the race track and speed through to the finish line.
You can’t control the road conditions, or the events that occur in your life, but you can steer the way you encounter and move through them.
You can slow down, take a look around, and open yourself up to the miracles and mysteries that life has to offer you.
You can choose to see the negatives or the positives.
You can enjoy the simplest of pleasures throughout the day, or none at all.
You can be thankful for what you have or bemoan what you don’t have.
You can reach out or go it alone.
You can believe or give up.
You can embrace or brace yourself.
You can find a different route or stay on the one you are on.
You can choose to stay stuck or move through what’s occurring.
You can be the light or the darkness.
You can be of peace or war.
You can be victorious in your life; or the victim of life or the victor over life, the choice is yours.
It’s up to you whether your journey is about the destination, or the enjoyment of your commute.
Yes, it would be nice to get up and never endure a road block, to know exactly where you are going, or what the future holds for you, but if that was the case you would miss all the wonder, adventures, excitement, joys and sorrows along the way.
These are the very things which provide you with the dreams, tools, skills, and experience to build other roadways.
Remember, the journey you’re on, we are all on together, and its roads are under construction.
How can you enjoy more of your commute?
Use the insight technique to assist you in gaining insights when you hit those potholes that can make your journey more fun and enjoyable.
Kimberley Cohen is the Founder, Facilitator and Personal Insight Coach of The Insight Technique. She founded the Insight Technique” – Your Insight to genuine Happiness, Purpose and Prosperity to assist herself and others in transforming limiting mindsets.
Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
Year of the Dragon: What does the Chinese New Year mean for you?
http://www.almasryalyoum.com/en/node/614791
By: Nevine El Shabrawy
The Chinese Year of the Dragon begins Monday and little celebrations are taking place all over Cairo within the Chinese community. On Saturday, the New Year Dragon made a visit to Maadi’s Community Service Association (CSA), where Chinese cooks and restaurants offered up a buffet of traditional cuisine for the festivities.
There are 12 Chinese year-based horoscopes, beginning with the Rat and continuing through the Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog and finally the Pig. The system is cyclical and based on a lunisolar calendar, with New Year’s day appearing on the second new moon after the winter solstice. The date varies from year to year, ranging from the end of January through the middle of February.
Chinese holiday traditions include forgiving past conflicts, hosting elaborate feasts, setting off fireworks and giving children money in red envelopes. The Year of the Dragon is believed to bring success and happiness, while other animals bring other blessings during their years. The celebrations last 15 days after New Year’s, and on the final day a lantern festival takes place in which red lanterns are hung outside houses all over China.
Whether or not you were born in the Year of the Dragon (1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000), this new year means something for you, according to the Chinese Zodiac. Al-Masry Al-Youm had the opportunity to sit down with self-proclaimed Chinese astrologer Joseph Chung during his visit to Cairo, and he agreed to give brief predictions for 2012. Chung believes the Year of the Dragon is one of high risks and high returns — a year during which the financial crisis will finally see some light. Chung explains that this is a “Water Dragon Year,” which means a higher flow of communication between people. He said the following about each of the Chinese animal horoscopes:
Rat (born 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008)
“Romance is expected to blossom and careers will peak for the Rat, who is a risk taker,” says Chung. Chung believes that the Rat must take risks but not aim to defeat everyone. “It is in the rat’s nature to hide indoors, but the rat should head out into the world this year,” explains Chung, “and the Rat is the sign most likely to profit financially in 2012.”
Ox (born 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009)
Despite the risk-taking nature of the Year of the Dragon, Chung says the Ox should be conservative this year and follow his own path. “The Ox should be flexible because in his career, things are about to change,” warns Chung. Chung believes the Ox will be surrounded by love and support this year and advises the Ox to turn to friends rather than depending on therapy.
Tiger (born 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010)
“The Tiger and the Dragon each rule different realms,” explains Chung, “but since this is a Water Dragon Year, the Tiger will benefit from the water element.” Chung says the Tiger should pursue career choices that increase communication because the Tiger needs a boost after the sleepy Rabbit Year that just ended. Chung predicts passion for the Tiger in love but not necessarily a relationship that will last very long.
Rabbit (born 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011)
“This year is all about timing for the Rabbit,” says Chung. In the Rabbit’s career, Chung suggests finding steady ground and holding on tight. In love, Chung predicts wedding bells or celebration for Rabbits in relationships but warns that nervous Rabbits may have trouble with the Dragon pace of the year. “Keep your stress levels and health in check, the Dragon Year is a racy one,” says Chung.
Dragon (born 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012)
Because the Dragon is a Karmic sign, Chung advises the Dragon to remember that he will never receive more than he is giving to the world. “Dragons get excited when it is their year and their pace, but they can become over confident,” chides Chung. He believes the path for the Dragon is clear: “Be good to your body, accept new love, and you will find wealth through routine.”
Snake (born 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001)
“While the Snake may have enjoyed comfortable happiness last year, this year will offer much more success,” says Chung. Chung believes the Snake must take risks and ride the Dragon’s energy this year, throwing caution to the wind. “Snakes should restructure their lives to improve health,” advises Chung, “but they should stay far away from get-rich-quick schemes, even if they are tempting.”
Horse (born 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002)
The Horse is advised to make commitments and get a little carried away this year, according to Chung. “The Horses should take action in their careers and settle down in their relationships,” says Chung. Health-wise, Horses should avoid over-stressing on a busy schedule, and they should curb their spending – despite the over-indulgent nature of the Year of the Dragon. Chung says things are looking up for the Horse this year.
Ram (born 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003)
“The Ram should be wary of changes surrounding his career and focus on what he is really good at,” says Chung. The Ram is warned to be honest about his feelings this year and use the energy he receives in the Year of the Dragon to stay healthy. “The Ram will make good money this year,” explains Chung, “but only if he uses foresight and common sense.” The Ram is also encouraged to engage in water sports.
Monkey (born 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004)
The Monkey is promised an entirely lucky year this year because of the Water Dragon. “The Monkey should travel, and he will find success as long as he communicates,” says Chung. The Monkey is encouraged to take big career risks, pursue new beginnings in relationships and spend money on his home. “Monkeys will have a lot of energy this year and they should be using it,” explains Chung.
Rooster (born 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005)
“The Rooster had a bad year in 2011,” says Chung, “but water and the Dragon favor the Rooster.” Chung encourages Roosters to be creative in their careers and learn new things. “The single Rooster will have a lot of love this year, but Roosters in relationships should work hard to get through the drama,” warns Chung. Chung advises Roosters to take up kickboxing and promises wealth in the second half of the year.
Dog (born 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006)
“The Dragon always means a rough year for the Dog,” says Chung with sympathy, “but with his nose to the ground, the Dog can get a lot out of 2012.” Chung predicts the Dog will discover who his real friends are, and he recommends that the Dog stand up to challenges in his career. “Although the Dog may suffer anxiety this year, he will make it through with meditation and thrift,” advises Chung.
Pig (born 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007)
Chung believes this year will be a little fast-paced for the Pig but advises him to take initiative to stay in the game. “The Dragon will shake things up for the Pig in his relationships,” says Chung, “but this may not be a bad thing.” The Pig has seen good health and good wealth in the past two years, but Chung says this trend can continue if the Pig stays smart and takes some risks.
Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
What is unconditional love?
By: http://www.2achieveyourgoals.com/what-is-unconditional-love/
Do you know what love is? What is unconditional love?
Love is the one of the strongest emotions a person can have. It is a tender feeling of affection that you feel for another person. Everyone seems to have his own opinion of what love is. Regardless of what definition you want to give it, when we talk about love between a man and a woman who want to spend their lives together, there are two kinds of love, conditional love, and unconditional love. In this article I will discuss what unconditional love is.
Unconditional love is when you love someone the way he or she is without rules, not the way you want him or her to be. Unconditional love is the only kind of love that fills you up. Unconditional love is when you love without expecting anything in return. It is when you love without trying to change someone’s behavior and personality.
God’s love for us, for example, is unconditional. God has given us life, food, water, brain, body, hands, eyes, health, among other things.
Unconditional love is when you love your partner without trying to affect him or her. For example, don’t get upset at your partner if he or she forgets to do something for you. You might get upset at the behavior, but not at your partner. You have to distinguish between the action and the one who takes the action. I mentioned in my book “How to win your lover’s heart” that being able to differentiate between the action and the doer is an important concept in every happy relationship. The action is something you might not like, but the doer is your partner whom you love with all of your heart and soul. This is one of the most important concepts in happy relationships and the basis of unconditional love.
Parents for example, might get upset at their child’s behavior. They might not like their son or daughter to stay out late at night, and if they do, the parents might get upset, but they don’t stop loving their children.
You should do the same to your partner. How many times have you heard men say, “I started to hate my girlfriend because she does not do this or that?” Or a woman says, “My partner doesn’t listen…” This is a problem where you have to distinguish between the action and the doer. You should dislike your partner’s action, not themselves.
Love is like a plant. It needs consistent, careful attention to thrive. Without it, your relationship is destined to wither away. How to win your lover’s heart was released by 2achieveyourgoals.com to help you win and capture your lover’s heart and avoid breakups.
Have a Blessed Week
Love & Light
Karen
Girl’s Best Friend: Forgiveness is for You
This can be a very hard topic for people to underrstand but once you do it clears a lot of room for happiness!! Enjoy!!
http://www.essence.com/2011/08/18/girls-best-friend-forgiveness-is-for-you/
By Nathan Hale Williams
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone! Some mistakes have greater consequences and implications than others, but if you’re human, you’ve made both big and small mistakes. For that reason, it baffles me how so many people refuse to forgive others for their mistakes.
One of my sister-friends recently remarried after being single for about seven years. Her first marriage ended in a very bitter and contentious divorce. She had not spoken to her ex-husband for almost five years since the divorce was finalized. He had been pretty awful during their marriage, with infidelity and some verbal abuse.
About a week before she got married, her ex-husband sent her an e-mail wishing her congratulations and apologizing for his wrongdoing. He acknowledged that he was immature and his mistreatment of her was not what she deserved. Also, he asked to meet with her sometime so he could apologize in person. Although he made it clear that this was not an attempt to get her back, expressing his respect for her fiancé.
“Why the hell would I meet with him?” she asked when we met to discuss the e-mail. My sister-friend went on to recount all of the vile and horrible things her ex-husband had done and said during the marriage, especially in the divorce. He had fought her on every aspect of the settlement, refusing to “Give her one damn dime!” He definitely was a piece of work and put her through hell.
The difficult time my sister-friend had with her ex-husband was often a barrier for new relationships. In terms of baggage, she had a full set of Louis Vuitton luggage. Thankfully, she met a wonderful man who was willing to love her through her issues and she got over most of it. With that said, I never believed she had full closure because she had not forgiven her ex-husband.
I decided to push her a bit and asked, “Maybe meeting with him is exactly what you need to do before you get married again.” She couldn’t understand what one had to do with the other. I explained that she needed to fully close that emotional chapter and the only way she was going to be able to move forward in a brand new marriage is if she left the pain of the last one in the past.
“Give him a chance to apologize, listen to him and then, forgive him!” I encouraged her to push herself to let it all go and look at him with clean eyes and a clean heart. “That [brotha] ain’t changed… I know him,” she retorted. She wasn’t having it, which was an indication that she hadn’t fully moved past her hurt feelings. So, I knew she HAD to meet with him and she had to begin the process of forgiveness.
The key misconception she was making was that forgiving him was about him. In fact, the forgiveness I was encouraging was for her and her spirit. By holding on to the hurt and the memories of the bad acts, she was disabling her spirit from its full expression. At the mention of his name, she would recoil. If you’re holding something that powerful and negative in your spirit you can’t possibly be living your best life.
As an example, I reminded her of several instances with her fiancé that were manifestations of the hurt she harbored. He’d do something that reminded her of her ex-husband and she’d jump to the conclusion that her fiancé was doing something similar. In every instance she had misread the situation and ended up having to apologize. She certainly didn’t want to take that into the marriage.
Then, I went in for the kill, and said to her, “The forgiveness that you refuse will be the forgiveness that you seek. When you have compassion for others when they make mistakes you will receive compassion when you make yours. And, you will continue to make mistakes.” And, she replied, “Damn, that’s deep!”
Yes, it is deep, but it is also the truth. Letting her heart house even just a bit of negative energy or ill will prevented it from being completely filled with love and positive energy. Forgiving her ex-husband would open up that space in her heart and spirit for goodness. It seems to be an esoteric concept, but it’s simple physics — two things can’t occupy the same space at the same time.
Reluctantly, she took my advice and met with him. And, they had a good time. He apologized and she listened. Once she listened to him and opened her spirit for understanding, she realized he had changed. We all can change and her ex-husband did the work to do it. Most importantly, she started the process of forgiveness and went into her second marriage leaving a lot of that Louis Vuitton behind.
We all have make mistakes and have issues with the people in our lives. Holding a grudge never does anyone any good. It just perpetuates and prolongs a negative experience. And, if you’re in the position to accept an apology and forgive someone, do it because the forgiveness is for you!
Have a Blessed Weekend
Love & Light
Karen
Five Reasons to Listen to Your Children’s Dreams
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/childs-play/201107/five-reasons-listen-your-childrens-dreams
Why listening to your children’s dreams can bring you closer
Published on July 16, 2011 by Kate Adams, Ph.D. in Child’s Play
Children often tell researchers that no one listens to them when they want to talk about their dreams. Unfortunately, pressured schedules and a cultural disinterest in dreams mean that many parents take little notice of their own dream life, never mind their children’s. Here are five reasons why parents might want to find a few moments to listen carefully to their children’s nightly expeditions.
1. Dreaming is part of human experience. Scientists have shown that all mammals dream, and that as children we spend more time dreaming than we do as adults. In fact neuroscientist J. Allan Hobson calculated that by the age of 70, most adults will have spent six years of their lives dreaming. That is a significant part of our lifespan to ignore!
2. Dreams can be fun. Children regularly dream of things they love, such as friends, family, pets, favorite celebrities and cartoon characters and like to talk about their dream adventures.
3. Some children may have spiritual dreams. As psychoanalyst Carl Jung noted many ‘big’ or spiritually significant dreams occur in childhood. Recent research with children shows that many experience at least one dream which is highly meaningful and can shape their thoughts and actions.
4. Nightmares are frightening. Yet nightmares are a normal part of childhood sleep. Children will need to try to make sense of them and will need your help. Whilst it is tempting to reassure them that the monster in the nightmare isn’t real, it will certainly feel real to them and can make them fearful of going to sleep in case it returns. Try asking them to draw the images and then draw a different version with a happier ending.
5. Children just want to share with you. Just as children are eager to tell you their thoughts, feelings and what they have been doing whilst awake, they are often keen to tell you what they have been doing in their sleep. Listening will mean a lot to them and can help to bring you closer.
Of course, it is important not to pressure children into sharing dreams which they may not want to, or may not recall easily. Undue pressure will only lead to them making up something they think you want to hear. In this busy world, it is easy to miss a child’s attempts to draw attention to their dreams. Likewise it is common to unintentionally dismiss a child’s dream as ‘just imagination’. But by taking some time to explore their dreams with them, you will be privileged to enter an important and often unseen part of their life.
Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
Let Go Of Expectations
By: http://www.joyfuldays.com/let-go-of-expectations/
The one thing that shatters relationships and ruins friendships more than any other is expectations. When we say that someone is not meeting our ‘needs’, we usually mean that he is not living up to our expectations. True needs are very few, but expectations are limitless.
When a person’s behavior does not match your expectations, you can try to change their behavior, or you could let go of your expectations. The first is an exercise in frustration and causes untold damage to relationships. The second is also difficult, but possible and worthwhile. Learn to let go.
1. Identify faulty assumptions
For some reason, when we get close to a person, we start to demand that this person acts in a certain way. We reason that “if you loved me, you would…” This type of reasoning is based on two faulty assumptions:
a. That love can be defined in a certain way
b. That the other person agrees with this definition
Neither assumption is reasonable, and once you accept that your way of thinking is not the only right way, you’ll find it easy to reject the assumption and therefore adjust or even completely drop your expectations.
2. Seek to understand
People show love in different ways, as explained by Gary Chapman in his excellent book “The Five Love Languages”: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and physical touch. Someone else may speak a love language that you do not understand because your love language is different.
When you travel to another country that speaks a different language from yours, the locals may not understand what you are trying to say to them. In the same way, when someone tries to love you in their own way, it is you who may not understand. This does not mean that they are not trying. It is not their actions that you need to change, it is your understanding.
3. Observe carefully
When you stop expecting a certain behavior from others, you free yourself to see more clearly. You will start to observe what they actually do, instead of constantly seeing the gap between what they do and what you want them to do.
For example, if you expect your child to obey your instructions quietly and he starts to question you, you may get upset because he doesn’t meet your expectation of what a ‘good boy’ is. If you drop this expectation and listen to his questions instead, you may pick up on a specific fear he has which is causing him to resist your instruction. When you see more clearly, you can respond more effectively.
4. Recognize the consequences
You would probably be upset if somebody loved you only when you behaved a certain way. Children who grow up with this kind of conditional love become insecure adults who try too hard to please. Spouses who feel they are not good enough for their partners may seek acceptance in somebody else’s arms.
Relationships are not transactions. If you’re in a relationship because of what you get out of it, it is a transaction. We all have needs that have to met, but it is futile to expect the other person to meet these needs. It is easy to let go of expectations once we accept responsibility to meet our needs ourselves, and are in a relationship not for what we can get but for who we can be.
5. Ask for agreement
If an expectation you have is important because it touches on non-negotiable values or morality, seek to convert that expectation into an agreement. Agreements are not expectations. Expectations exist in your own mind, often without the knowledge of the other person. Agreements are explicit verbal commitments by both parties on a set of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors.
Decide on what is non-negotiable to you. Highlight these to the other person and explain why it is so important. I’ve found that calm discussions work much better in this case than yelling matches. Be very specific about the behaviors you expect and ask if the other party agrees. Be prepared to return the favor. Once both have agreed, honor the ground rules.
If you cannot convert a non-negotiable expectation to an agreement, you’ll have to make a tough choice. You have to decide whether to let go of the expectation or the person. Personally I think that a flesh-and-blood person is almost always more worth holding on to than an expectation that exists only in my mind.
Let go of your expectations. I’m still working on this myself, but the few times I have managed to let go have been truly liberating. With one simple change of thinking, you free two people at one time. The other person is free from having to behave in a certain way, and you are free to love better. Letting go is hard, but definitely worth it.
Have a Blessed Week
Love & Light
Karen
How to Be Happy
By: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Happy
So happiness – isn’t that the thing that all of us strive to find and keep? Nobody is happy all of the time, but some people are definitely more fulfilled than others. Studies on what makes people happy reveal that it doesn’t have much to do with material goods or high achievement; it seems to whittle down to your outlook on life, and the quality of your relationships with the people around you.
Step 1
Be optimistic. Be optimistic.: In the 1970s, researchers followed people who’d won the lottery and found that a year after they’d hit the jackpot, they were no happier than the people who didn’t. They called it hedonic adaptation, which suggests that we each have a baseline level of happiness. No matter what happens, good or bad, the effect on our happiness is only temporary and we tend to rebound to our baseline level. Some people have a higher baseline happiness level than others, and that can be attributed in part to genetics, but it’s also largely influenced by how you think.[1] So while the remainder of this article will help boost your happiness, only improving your attitude towards life will increase your happiness permanently. Here are some excellent starting points for doing that:
Step 2
Follow your gut. Follow your gut. In one study, two groups of people were asked to pick out a poster to take home. One group was asked to analyze their decision carefully, weighing the pros and cons, and the other group was told to listen to their gut. Two weeks later, the group that followed their gut was happier with their posters than the group that analyzed their decisions.[2] Now, some of our decisions are more crucial than picking out posters, but by the time you’re poring over your choice, the options you’re weighing are probably very similar, and the difference will only temporarily affect your happiness. So next time you have a decision to make, and you’re down to two or three options, just pick the one that feels right, and go with it. Never regret the decisions you make though. Just live by the 3 C’s of life: choices chances, and changes. You need to make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.
Step 3
Make enough money to meet your basic needs: food, shelter, and clothing. Make enough money to meet your basic needs: food, shelter, and clothing. In the US, that magic number is $40,000 a year. Any money you make beyond that will not necessarily make you happier. Remember the lottery winners mentioned earlier? Oodles of money didn’t make them any happier. Once you make enough money to support your basic needs, your happiness is not significantly affected by how much money you make, but by your level of optimism.[3]
Your comfort may increase with your salary, but comfort isn’t what makes people happy. It makes people bored. That’s why it’s important to push beyond your comfort zone to fuel your growth as a person.
Step 4
Stay close to friends and family: Or move to where other members are- so you can see them more. Stay close to friends and family: Or move to where other members are- so you can see them more. We live in a mobile society, where people follow jobs around the country and sometimes around the world. We do this because we think increases in salary will make us happier, but the fact is that our relationships with our friends and family have a far greater impact on our happiness than our jobs do. So next time you think about relocating, consider that you’d need a salary increase of over $100,000 USD to compensate for the loss of happiness you’d have from moving away from your friends and family.[4] But if your relationships with your family and friends are unhealthy or nonexistent, and you are bent on moving, choose a location where you’ll be making about the same amount of money as everyone else; according to research, people feel more financially secure (and happier) when they’re on similar financial footing as the people around them, regardless of what that footing is.[5]
Step 5
Find happiness in the job you have now: Many people expect the right job or the right career to dramatically change their level of happiness, but happiness research makes it clear that your level of optimism and the quality of your relationships eclipse the satisfaction you gain from your job. Find happiness in the job you have now: Many people expect the right job or the right career to dramatically change their level of happiness, but happiness research makes it clear that your level of optimism and the quality of your relationships eclipse the satisfaction you gain from your job.[6] If you have a positive outlook, you will make the best of any job, and if you have good relationships with people, you won’t depend on your job to give your life a greater sense of meaning. You’ll find it in your interactions with the people you care about. Now that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t aspire towards a job that will make you happier; it means you should understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small in comparison to your outlook on life and your relationships with people.
Step 6
Smile: Science suggests that when you smile, whether you feel happy or not, your mood will be elevated. Smile: Science suggests that when you smile, whether you feel happy or not, your mood will be elevated. So smile all the time![7] In addition having enough money to pay the bills allows you to focus your energies on more productive aspects of your life, such a the pursuit of happiness as opposed to keeping the ‘wolves from the door’.
See How to Smile to Be Happy.
See How to Smile for Better Health.
Step 7
Forgive: In a study of college students, it was found that an attitude of forgiveness contributed to better cardiovascular health. Forgive: In a study of college students, it was found that an attitude of forgiveness contributed to better cardiovascular health. You could say that forgiveness literally heals your heart. While it is unknown how forgiveness directly affects your heart, the study suggests that it may lower the perception of stress.[8]
Step 8
Make friends who share your interests or faith: In a 2010 study by Harvard researchers published in the journal American Sociological Review, it was discovered that people who went to church regularly reported greater life satisfaction than those who didn’t. Make friends who share your interests or faith: In a 2010 study by Harvard researchers published in the journal American Sociological Review, it was discovered that people who went to church regularly reported greater life satisfaction than those who didn’t. The critical factor was the quality of friendships made in church. People who went to church and didn’t have any close friends there were no happier than people who never went to church. When the researchers compared people who had the same number of close friends, the ones who had close friends from church were more satisfied with their lives.[9] It’s thought that the forming of friendships based on mutual interests and beliefs (and meeting consistently based on that mutual bond) is what makes the difference, so if church itself is not your thing, consider finding something else you’re deeply passionate about and making friends who you can connect with regularly based on that.
Have a blessed weekend
Love & Light
Karen
25 Ways to Be a Better Person Today
Let’s make this year all about becoming better people!!!
http://www.wisebread.com/25-ways-to-be-a-better-person-today
By: Nora Dunn on 31 August 2011
I recently came across five principles for living well. They are:
Today — do not be angry.
Today — do not worry.
Today — be kind to yourself and others.
Today — be honest to yourself and others.
Today — work diligently.
– Usui Sensei, 1865-1926
On the whole, these principles would make you a better person. But they’re a bit intangible, and adapting them into your life right away could be overwhelming. What I like about them is the focus on today — just today. There are so many things we can do just today that can inspire some amazing life changes. Changes that will not only make you a better person, but can enrich your life, save you money, help others and the environment, and instigate a true sense of happiness. (See also: 44 Ways to Improve Your Health and Happiness)
Here are 25 practical ways to apply the above principles and be a better person — today.
1. Say thanks — and mean it. (Here are 25 really nice ways to do just that).
2. Smile at a stranger.
3. Learn to lean into vulnerability and express your true self. (Watch this video as an inspirational primer).
4. Perform one senseless act of kindness per day.
5. Take a sabbatical and learn something new about yourself in the process.
6. Do something you’ve never done before.
7. Set goals wisely — and reward yourself for making progress.
8. Start a conversation with a random stranger (in line at the grocery store for example).
9. Create a vision board to visualize — and achieve — the life of your dreams.
10. Help somebody.
11. Reflect on the amazing moments in your life, and figure out how to replicate them.
12. Be 100% honest for an entire day.
13. Be generous — but not to your own detriment.
14. Express disagreement towards injustice.
15. Learn something new. For example, learn how to change your life and design the lifestyle you want.
16. Interact with nature. Go for a walk using all your senses, start a garden, or just admire a beautiful sunset.
17. Have fun with a brainstorm session of 100 ways to change your life in 20 minutes.
18. Cook a meal for somebody.
19. Save money. (Here are 37 ways start saving today).
20. Try letting somebody in line in front of you or driving consciously and kindly, and see if it actually makes you late. (You might surprise yourself).
21. Give your kids a leg up in life and make finance a family affair.
22. Learn about a worthwhile cause, and get involved.
23. Choose three ways to be nicer to the environment and implement them. (For example, reduce your standby power consumption, make your office green, start a coffee cup revolution, or conserve water).
24. Create your own definition of financial freedom, and inject a dose of passion into your budget.
25. Regain your youth, and play with some children.
Have a blessed day
Love & Light
Karen
thespiritwaytoday
