Energy Empowerment Programs

http://www.livingenergyworks.com/energy-empowerment.html

By: LivingEnergyworks.com

Living Energy Work Programs

Dynamic Tools to realign your energy and transform your life

Have you noticed that the old world order is crumbling and a new paradigm is forming? Old ways of addressing problems and challenges are no longer working. This is true on both the global and individual levels. Creative thinkers around the world are tapping into a new seedbed of creativity that is emergent in the universe.

YOU ARE a dynamic, creative and powerful being. You only need to learn how to reliably tap into your true nature and develop your gifts. You need a roadmap and a bit of guidance and support – exactly what Living Energy Works programs are all about!

 

Do The Following Experiences Continually Show Up in Your Life?

A sense of overwhelm

A feeling of being lost, lack of focus or direction

Keep coming up against the same old problems and challenges

Feel stuck or trapped in patterns and feel unable to change them

Experience mental, emotional or physical signs of stress

Feel disconnected from your life or relationships

Find that your old approaches to issues are not working

Inability to consistently find joy in your daily life

Now, for a moment, imagine that deep within you is an unlimited ability to create, an almost magical power to heal, a strong intuitive potential, and an enormous capacity for joy and profound peace. What would it feel like to be in touch with these wonderful internal riches?

 

Living Energy Works Programs are about a new way of BEING.

This breakthrough program provides you with a variety of core energy practices that enable you to unite your inner being and outer reality and

Regain your sense of direction and purpose by establishing new connections to the living energy that exists inside of you

Realize how you are already unconsciously managing energy for good or ill and learn practical exercises to break the cycle

Cultivate more joy in your life by strengthening your conscious awareness

Eliminate signs of stress by learning to influence your energy more effectively

Fulfill your deepest dreams and desires with scientifically based, simple and fun to use techniques for real life

To be notified of upcoming program release dates, please provide your name and email in the Newsletter sign-up box.  If you already receive our newsletter, you are all set.

 Adopt an attitude of adventure and discovery.

Learn to command your energy and build a solid foundation for empowerment! Visit our Store to begin your journey of self-discovery.

Living Energy Works Programs are designed with real life in mind. Think of it as principles and practices for a spirituality that is relevant and useful in your life. The information, spiritual centering techniques, and energy enhancing tools in each program provides you with the means to access a profound inner strength and a broader perspective that allows you to rise to whatever challenges you face.

 

Some of the benefits you may expect from this series include:

Accelerated change: Working energetically goes to the roots of problems and provides positive solutions, truly a way to change from the inside out.

Diminished resistance: Energy work can aid in eliminating the struggle that often impedes the flow of change. Ease and a sense of grace replace force & will power.

Discipline of the mind: Proper focus of the mind helps to build energy and improves our ability to direct energy more precisely toward our goals.

Enhanced Clarity: Eliminating emotional turmoil, negative mind sets and exhausting thought patterns via energetic techniques results in a centering effect that provides clearer perception of oneself, others and Truth itself.

Improved Intuition, creativity and spiritual experience: As the overall energy system is strengthened and less burdened with old memories, beliefs and disruptive patterns the entire system can function better and more energy is available to expand higher level function.

Are you willing to let go of limitations, invest in yourself and take charge of your life? If so, Living Energy Works offers the tools and guidence to help you resolve these common dilemmas. Learn more about each individual program we offer.

Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

How to Practice What You Preach

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/practice-what-you-preach/

Written by: Scott Young

Life is full of contradictions.  People say they want health food, but McDonalds still makes billions of dollars each year.  People say they want to work satisfying jobs, but end up chasing after the biggest paycheck.  People say they want news on world affairs, but tune into 24/7 coverage of Anna Nicole Smith.

I’m no different.  I have plenty of contradictions between what I truly believe and how I behave.  And I think anyone who says they don’t is lying to themselves.  Practicing what you preach isn’t easy.  It may be impossible to do it completely.

But even if you can’t escape the contradictions of modern living, you can lessen their impact.  You can consult what you know to be true, and use that to guide you, instead of rationalizing your behavior and living a lie.

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is a fancy psychological term for something incredibly simple: when people hold two contradicting ideas, their minds start to fry.  This can be something simple like, “I believe health is important” and “I just finished eating a bag of potato chips.”

Your mind can’t handle the contradiction, as a result it has to go through one of two directions.  The first is rationalizing: “I deserve the bag of chips, it’s been a hard day.”  This is the easiest option, but it has long-term consequences.  Eliezer Yudkowsky has said, “Rationalization is an odd word, because it has nothing to do with thinking rationality.  It’s like calling lying ‘truthification’.”  Whenever you start rationalizing a decision, you’re taken a shortcut that might make you feel better, but often ends in a poor choice.

The second option when you face a contradiction is to realize that one of the two ideas is false.  Either your belief that something is true is mistaken, or your behavior was incorrect.  Either you don’t believe health is important, or you shouldn’t have eaten that bag of potato chips.

I think this second direction is much harder to accomplish than rationalization, and why it’s easier to rationalize a mistake than it is to use that mistake to make changes.

Start With the Truth…

You can resolve a lot of personal conflicts by starting with a simple question: “What is true?”

Based on your personal experience and knowledge, ask yourself what is true.  Answer this question before you factor in your current behavior.  If you feel drinking or smoking is bad for you, recognize this first.  You can worry about your habits later, the first step in fixing a contradiction always has to be with your current beliefs.

It’s important to recognize what is true, even if you’re powerless to change it.  You might hate your job, but be completely financially committed to stay there.  That’s okay, it’s better to know the truth of your position than to constantly lie to yourself that it isn’t so bad, or that work is supposed to be distasteful.

Resolving contradictions can be hard, because most people try to prevent any gaps in their behavior and beliefs.  So if they can’t change their behavior, they sacrifice their beliefs, lying to themselves about what they know to be true.  This is why separating the truth-acknowledging step from the behavior-changing step is so important.

…Then Fix the Habits

Once you fully acknowledge what you know to be true, you can start the process of changing your behaviors.  This isn’t easy.  Changing habits can be difficult, especially when the habit has been interlinked into much of your life.

It can be even more difficult to fix situations that are based on more than just behavior.  A job isn’t just a habit, it’s also a financial commitment that can be difficult to sever, especially if you don’t have the resources to.

However, the job of practicing what you believe becomes infinitely easier if you have first acknowledged the truth of the situation.  If you can realize the truth, you will eventually adjust your behavior and life to coincide with it–even if that is difficult at first.

Begin With Little Steps

I made the switch to a vegetarian diet three years ago after reading The China Study and similar books emphasizing the health and ecological benefits.  (Don’t worry if you’re a carnivore, I’m not interested in changing your mind.)  Before I made the switch, I still ate a lot of meat.  As soon as I realized I believed it was healthier, and that health was important to me, I didn’t magically change.  It took time to shift my behaviors and habits towards what I felt to be true.

The same thing happened when I first learned about running an online business.  I didn’t immediately change all my plans and start building a business.  It took time and patience to change my goals and even longer to succeed at it.

I think the most important step to fixing your contradictions is to realize you have them.  Many people rationalize them away so there is never a gap between behavior and truth.  Only the people who have gaps, the ones who aren’t living at their ideal capacity, are the people who can grow and improve.

If you perfectly practice what you preach, then you probably aren’t doing either very well.

 

Have a Blessed Week
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

Looking for Ways to be Kind to Strangers

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=9733

By: Norman

Over the weekends I often find myself leaving home at around 9:00am. I find it hard to stay indoors on a Saturday, so I either head to the office or to town to run some errands. Towards the end of last year, after being encouraged by various acts of kindness from this website, I resolved to make it my mission to touch people’s lives unexpectedly.  My target was the underpriviledged in society and in my country the street children were my target group.

Each Saturday morning as I would go to get some milk and bread from the nearby shop, I would see how many kids there were in the vicinity and buy them milk and bread also. They would of course have no clue of this and all I would do is creep up on them and give it to them.

One day, I was heading back to my bus terminus and saw this beggar on the street in a wheelchair. He didn’t notice me but I just went straight into the next shop, bought food then came back to where he was and handed the whole pack to him.

During the holidays,  while I was buying a gift for the ” Christmas shoe” campaign I bought extra wrapping paper accidentally.  As  I wondered what to do with them, the attendant informed me that I could get credit for them and then use it to purchase anything with an equivalent price. I was in a hurry to go look for what would be the ideal replacement so I picked out some chocolate bars.  As I walked out of the shop, I handed them to the children outside the shop and headed for the bus terminus.  

The other day I was in town for lunch with a mate and on my way back, I saw a kid outside a fast food restaurant begging for some change. I went in to the restaurant, bought a take away and handed it to the kid. His smile and “thank you” was the perfect end to my weekend and all I could say was, “You are welcome.”

So, each day as I read the amazing kindness stories on this site, I’m made aware of the numerous ways I can be kind to a stranger.

 

Have a Blessed Weekend
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

Fed Up With Feeling Alone?

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Finch3.html

By: Alison Finch

Do you ever feel empty and alone, sometimes even when you’re surrounded by people?

Most people feel alone at some points in their lives, but for some these feelings seem to be deeply ingrained to the point where it seems part of their identity – but it doesn’t have to be this way!

 

Sometimes the feelings are there for reasons that seem obvious and real, for example:

>the aftermath of a painful break-up of a romantic relationship

>a chronic health problem that seems to sap our vitality and makes us feel less fun to be with

>having a guilty secret that seems to become a heavier and heavier emotional burden

>unrequited love or passion, or simply wanting an intimate and sexual relationship and failing to find one

>the feeling of disillusionment after having shared too much with someone who doesn’t understand

>simply having no-one to turn to when life gets tough

You could probably add quite a few more situations to this list yourself, because everyone’s experience of feeling alone is slightly different. But – in some ways – this fact holds the key to understanding what causes us to feel alone. And, once we understand such a powerful emotion, it becomes so much easier to learn to fear it less and to recognise that you CAN do something to change your feelings.

I’ve said that there are many reasons for feeling alone, but perhaps there is really only one cause. Loneliness sets in when we cannot – for whatever reason – share our thoughts and feelings with someone whom we trust, and who we know will care. Care enough to listen to what we are saying, even if he or she is busy. Care enough to try to understand what we feel and why. Care enough to empathise rather than merely offer sympathy or condolence.

So with that understanding let’s have a look at some powerful do’s and don’ts to help you get to grips with your loneliness:

 

Here’s what NOT to do:

>Do NOT slump in your chair and listen to soppy music and love-songs, or watch “girlie flicks” or “weepies”, or try to lose yourself in a slushy romantic novel. Any of these

activities will accentuate your pain and merely encourage you to wallow in self-pity, thereby eating away at your already weakened confidence to get out into the world and make something happen for yourself.

>Do NOT plan too many solitary activities to “keep yourself occupied”, such as spring-cleaning, going for a long walk, or visiting a movie theatre – even if the movie is not slushy! Each event can compound your belief that you are alone in the world and reinforce your perception that you must always be prepared to do things independently from others.

>Do NOT read horoscopes, get out the tarot cards, or visit fortune-tellers. In fact, don’t use ANY methods to predict the future, because every one of them will simply reinforce the notion that things are outside your own control. Worse, they may even leave you waiting expectantly for events that will probably never occur.

>Do NOT rely on a pet for comfort when you’re feeling alone. I’m not for one moment suggesting that you should neglect your pet if you have one, nor am I suggesting that you stop enjoying the pleasure it can bring into your life. I’m saying that relying on your pet as a substitute for real intimacy with another person is a recipe for further, and longer, unhappiness.

 

That’s a lot of don’ts – so what COULD you do to begin to feel better?

Tip one: If you’re not good at striking up meaningful conversations with other people, then LEARN! Don’t settle for superficial and meaningless chat about the weather or gossip about what so-and-so did last week. Superficial chat can leave you feeling worse, because you know that you’ve had a “conversation” but that everything that matters to you is still trapped deep inside.

Tip two: Surround yourself with the right sort of people – those who can give you energy rather than take it from you. Think about your current relationships: which people leave you with more energy than when they came, and which leave you feeling flat and drained?

Tip three: Move a little closer emotionally to people whom you already like and have no reason to distrust. Dare to share more of what’s in your head than you do right now, but be VERY careful not to gush it all out and “dump” it on somebody else.

Tip four: Most important of all, never demand sympathy. Don’t even look for sympathy, because others will see your neediness heading towards them and they will almost certainly want to move out of your path! But there’s absolutely no harm in looking to other people for solutions, so thank you for looking to reading this article!

Author’s Bio:

Alison Finch is the Founder and Creator of Selfesteem4women.com, which has become the most popular Self-esteem site for women on the internet. Her unique approach to building women’s self-esteem is refreshingly different, very easy to follow, and has a twelve-year proven track record of success. Unlike many in her field, Alison has collected evidence to show that doing well in life is important if women want to feel good about themselves. She’s devoted her life to helping women do just that! Her site contains a free self-esteem test, free articles and eCards, a confidence cafe to meet other women, a highly-popular bi-weekly eZine, affordable online coaching and many practical Self-help Programs in the form of eWorkbooks.

If you would like to explore your self-esteem and feel less alone visit: Visit this link

 

Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

How to see your future

http://www.verycoollife.com/663/how-to-see-your-future/

By: Drew Rozell, PHM.D.

I’ve always been able to see people’s futures.

Not in a psychic sort of way where I can tell you what color shirt you would be wearing and the weather conditions on the day you decide to check out of this life… I don’t see scenes of the future play out in my head like movies.

Rather, if I hear you talk about you life and your desires for just a minute or two – even if we’ve never met before – I can tell whether you’re on track to manifest what you want into your life.

I just know. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always just known.

Until recently, I had no understanding where this ability came from. It’s not something you tell many people or share in casual conversation. And sometimes it feels freaky when I see things play out just as I knew they would.

While I considered this ability to be a gift, in the past it has almost equally as often felt like a curse.

(It’s a gift in my work as a coach where the entire basis of our relationship is for me to leverage this power. It can feel like a curse when you’re with a friend who’s sharing something, but has not specifically asked for your help.  I’ve learned that if I share what I see without being asked first, I am met with a huge wall of resistance. Sometimes it’s hard not to say something when you can see the piano dangling over someone’s head.)

Here’s what I’ve come to realize (and my point in sharing this with you here)…

When I say I just know what’s coming up for someone, what I really mean is that I can feel it. Again, I’m not seeing the person’s future in my head. But I am built in a way that makes me sensitive to the energy that they are giving off.

More specifically, when I am connecting with you, I can pick up how you feel when you’re talking about some subject, whether that’s your relationship, money, health, or whatever.

 

Here’s how it works for me…

If listening to you talk about your desire causes squirrels to start wrestling around in my stomach, I know you’re off course. If listening to you gives me a feeling of  calm, hope, or inspiration, I know you’re on track and about to experience what you really want.

So if you want to the ability to look into your own future and know what’s coming, it’s quite simple.

You need only check in with how you feel today on a given subject to accurately predict your future.

The emotion you feel is the product of the thoughts you have been connecting to on that subject.

For example, if you want your life to feel fun and full of adventure, yet today you talk about how bored and uninspired you feel, you are off course.

If you want to attract a new relationship, but inside you doubt whether you’ll ever meet that person, you’re off course.

If you want to live in a life of freedom, with reserves of cash all around you, but you speak of how hard things are or you argue for the reasons why your desires cannot happen, you are off course.

Whatever the subject, the feeling that you associate with it in the present moment determines your future experience. No exceptions.

Check in with how you feel today and you have your glimpse into tomorrow. Voila!

You are now an oracle.

Here’s the upgrade. If there’s some aspect of your life that you do not feel great about (and I am guessing there is), the good news is that the future is not written in stone. Keep in mind, you always write your future.

If you want tomorrow to look better than today, your work is to feel better today.

That’s all. It’s not complicated…

(But are you doing the work to create the future you want?)

 

Have a Blessed Week
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

Make Your Life Rich without Money

Whitney Hopler, Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer Friday, February 12, 2010

By: http://www.crosswalk.com/family/finances/make-your-life-rich-without-money-11626195.html

Editor’s Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Phil Callaway’s book, Make Your Life Rich without Any Money: Stories of Finding Joy in What Really Matters, (Harvest House Publishers, 2009).

Our culture says that the good life comes from what money can buy: like a new car, a bigger house, an exotic trip, the latest clothes, or restaurant meals.  But none of that is really necessary to richly enjoy your life.  It turns out that the old adage is true – the best things in life are free.  You don’t need money to enrich your life.

Here’s how you can make your life rich without money

Know the speed limit.  The richness of your life is determined not by the time you’re given, but by what you choose to do with it.  Slow down enough to listen to God’s voice so you can focus on what matters most.  Make time to rest physically by getting enough sleep, and rest emotionally by choosing to trust God in every situation rather than worrying.  Base your priorities on God’s purposes for your life, and base your schedule around your priorities to cut down on unnecessary busyness.  But keep your schedule flexible enough to be open and available for the divine interruptions that come your way.  Live frugally, avoiding debt whenever possible.  Enjoy something without owning it, such as by visiting parks often rather than buying a home with a large yard.  Save and give as much as you can.  Place your ultimate trust in God rather than in money.

Stop spending lots of time and energy consuming (buying goods and services) so you can focus more on contributing (using your talents and skills to make the world a better place).  Simplify your life however you can, such as by celebrating a weekly Sabbath day of rest and learning to say “no” to unimportant requests for your time.  Enjoy the simple gifts God gives, such as regular playtimes with children and pets.

Hit curveballs.  The richness of your life is determined not by what life brings you, but by what you bring to it, and not by what happens to you, but by how you respond to what happens.  So when you encounter unexpected challenges (like losing your job or being diagnosed with a serious illness), trust God to help you overcome them.  Remember that, no matter what happens to you in this fallen world, there’s always something for which you can be thankful – especially God’s promise to never leave or forsake you.  When you’re struggling with a painful situation, invite God to transform it to accomplish a good purpose.

Be a people person.  The richness of your life could depend on one simple question: “If I were to lose everything, what would I have left?” The answer: relationships – with God and other people.  Since people are eternal and money is temporary, invest well in your relationships.  Work on becoming a good friend by: accepting people, listening well, keeping confidential information private, telling your friends the truth in love and letting them do that same with you, forgiving people, looking to God to meet your needs rather than putting pressure on your friends, and being there for people during their crises and struggles.

Work on developing a good marriage by keeping communication lines open, expressing love and respect often, praying together, forgiving each other, making time for romance regularly, listening to each other well, being kind and gentle toward each other, and remaining committed during tough times.

Know where the buck stops.  The richness of your life is determined not by what you have, but by what has you.  So build your life around God instead of money.  Pursue God’s purposes for your life rather than chasing after money.  Pray for the ability to be content with any financial state.  Rejoice that you can enjoy God’s grace anytime, for free.  Keep in mind the limits to what money can and can’t buy: nice houses, but not a home; a fancy bed, but not a peaceful sleep; companions, but not friends; food, but not satisfaction; sex, but not love; new cars, but not safety; pills, but not health; fun, but not fulfillment; sun-filled vacations, but not peace.

Have a Blessed Weekend
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

50 THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL RIGHT NOW

I Love This!!

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/50-things-you-can-control-right-now/

By: Lori Deschene

“Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown

CNN reports that psychic businesses are thriving in this challenging economy—and the clientele has expanded to include more business professionals who are worried about their financial future. According to Columbia Business School’s Professor Gita Johar who studies consumer behavior, the greatest motivation for visiting a psychic is to feel a sense of control.

Sure, there are lots of things we can’t control: businesses may fold, stocks may plummet, relationships may end–the list is infinite, really. But wouldn’t we be far more effective if we focused on all things we can control instead; if we stopped worrying about the indefinite and started benefiting from the guaranteed?

 

Right now you can control:

1. How many times you smile today.

2. How much effort you exert at work.

3. Your level of honesty.

4. How well you prepare.

5. How you act on your feelings.

6. How often you say “thank you.”

7. When you pull out your wallet for luxuries.

8. Whether or not you give someone the benefit of the doubt.

9. How you interpret situations.

10. Whether or not you compete with people around you.

11. How often you notice and appreciate small acts of kindness—they’re everywhere!

12. Whether you listen or wait to talk.

13. When you walk away from a conversation.

14. How nice you are to yourself in your head.

15. Whether you think positive or negative thoughts.

16. Whether or not you form expectations of people.

17. The type of food you eat.

18. When you answer someone’s question—or email or call.

19. How much time you spend worrying.

20. How many new things you try.

21. How much exercise you get.

22. How many times you swear in traffic.

23. Whether or not you plan for the weather.

24. How much time you spend trying to convince people you’re right.

25. How often you think about your past.

26. How many negative articles you read.

27. The attention you give to your loved ones when you see them.

28. How much you enjoy the things you have right now.

29. Whether or not you communicate something that’s on your mind.

30. How clean or uncluttered you keep your space.

31. What books you read.

32. How well you network at social events.

33. How deeply you breathe when you experience stress.

34. How many times you admit you don’t know something—and then learn something new.

35. How often you use your influence to help people instead of focusing on building your influence.

36. When you ask for help.

37. Which commitments you keep and cancel.

38. How many risks you take.

39. How creative/innovative you are in your thinking.

40. How clear you are when you explain your thoughts.

41. Whether you formulate a new plan or act on your existing one.

42. How much information you get before you make a decision.

43. How much information you share with people.

44. Whether you smoke or drink (unless you’re an alcoholic, in which case I am not qualified to offer you advice.)

45. Whether or not you judge other people.

46. Whether you smell good or bad (unless you have some strange resistance to soap and deodorant).

47. How much of what other people say you believe.

48. How quickly you try again after you fall.

49. How many times you say “I love you.”

50. How much rest you get at night.

 

Odds are some of these resonate with you more than others; so what? You can’t do 50 things at once anyway. When I start fixating on something I can’t control, I pick just one of these to think about instead. Minor changes in thinking, I’ve found, lead to major changes in my reality. Do you have any to add to the list?

 

Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

How to Let Go of the Past and Not Fear Your Future

http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-not-fear-your-future/

By: thedailyminder.com

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.” – Wayne dyer.

The other night I was sitting down with my brother watching a late night soccer match when we started talking about the “good ole days” and all of our plans for the future. After a while we paused and then started laughing because it seemed as though I was trapped in the past and he was fearful of the future. The whole conversation I had been talking about how things used to be and he spent the whole time talking about how hard things are going to be. It was a bit of an “Ah huh!” moment as we both realized that grasping on to the past/future was keeping us from being happy.

In this post I want to talk about how to let go of your past and not fear your future. It is one of the most important things you will ever attempt to do – living in the present is the only way to be happy.

NOTE – I have divided this article into two posts as they were quite long. Today’s post will be on letting go of the past and tomorrow’s post will be on learning how to not fear your future. Make sure you subscribe to the feed if you don’t want to miss out.

As always, if you have something to add or a comment that you think might help someone out there please leave a comment and let us know. All comments are greatly appreciated.

 

How to let go of your past

For some people, the past is like a ball and chain. It follows you wherever you go and it stops you from achieving your goals in life. It is restricting, heavy and extremely burdensome. A lot of people never break free. If you feel a little bit like that then please read through these suggestions and take them to heart. If you can break free from your past you might find your present and future moments are looking a lot brighter.

 

1. Realize that it cannot be changed

The most sobering thing about the past is that it cannot be changed. Things have already happened. And seeing as there is no way to travel back in time, there is no way to change the past. Learn to accept it.

I once read about a man who sped through a traffic light because he was late to work and ran over a mother and bay. Both mother and child were killed but the driver survived unharmed. This man became an alcoholic and a drug user and his life started spiraling out of control as his guilt was so painful. It took him almost 30 years but one day he realized that what was done was done and there was no way to change it. By destroying his life as well he was effectively ruining three lives.

If you live in the past and are having trouble letting go you need to realize that it cannot be changed. You can never go back to those times and you will never erase what happened. By living in this past moment you are preventing yourself from actually fixing what you did wrong.

 

2. Don’t make “mind stories”

Sometimes when I cast my mind back to my days in high school or my first trip to India I get a swell of emotion and then start to create “mind stories”. These stories can go on all day and basically consist of my going over all my good memories and then getting upset when I realize that times have changed. Don’t do this.

We all make “mind stories” to some extent. My mother is the opposite of me and she spends all day going over all the bad things that could happen or all the negative events that occurred in the past. The mental chatter is poisonous. As soon as you start, it is almost impossible to stop. One thought leads to another and before long you realize that you have a whole day of your life in the past.

 

3. Think about impermanence

It wouldn’t be a post by The Daily Minder without mentioning impermanence. I can hear of you all groaning now – “here he goes… rambling on about impermanence again!” It is an important truth to realize, however, and it is particularly useful when dealing with an inability to let go of the past.

First of all, we need to realize that we don’t have a lot of time on this Earth. Death can come at any moment. You could eat a poisonous dinner, choke on a carrot or get hit by a car. You could get cancer tomorrow. Imagine if a wise old meditation master came to you and said you only had two weeks left to life. Would you regret spending so much time thinking about the past? Would you consider that you wasted your time here on Earth? I know I would.

The next time you start worrying about the past I want you to remember impermanence. Say to yourself, “I don’t have time for this” and just drop it. Over time you will train your mind to ignore those thoughts and as the days and weeks go by the attachment to the past will fade away.

 

4. Meditate on compassion

A few years ago I was in North India listening to a talk by an old Tibetan Lama who had grown up in Tibet and fled to India in the 60′s. At the end of the talk the Lama answered a few questions from the audience. One of the questions said:

“Tibet was one of the most beautiful countries where people had freedom to practice meditation and live in peace. Do you miss those days?”

The Lama, without even pausing for a moment, just shook his head and said “No”. Then he followed up by saying, “thinking about times gone by is useless. It doesn’t help yourself and it doesn’t help other people”. I was impressed. What he said left an indelible mark on my mind – dwelling on the past is a fruitless pursuit and it helps no one.

If you are stuck in the past you need to realize that those thoughts and habits are helping no one. It is an extremely uncompassionate way to live your life and it will get you no where.

 

5. Understand we can’t control everything

I am a firm believer that we control our destiny. I do not think God or anyone else plans things out for us, I think we are the ones who forge our future and I think we are the ones responsible for our actions. Sometimes, however, we have to realize that we cannot control everything that goes on.

I once heard a mate of mine say that people who dwell on the past are just trying to control everything. I think he was right. Sometimes I feel like my sense of independence means that I blame myself too heavily when things go wrong. And that means I am often dwelling on my mistakes.

If you spend a lot of time cursing yourself for things you have done in the past I ask you to go easy on yourself and to stop trying to be so controlling. You cannot control everything. You cannot control everyone. And although you are the one in charge of your destiny there are times when you will be utterly unable to change a set of circumstances. So let it go. You will be glad you did.

 

Conclusion

Letting go of the past is like lifting a weight off your shoulders. It allows you to move on and make a new life and it stops you from staying stagnant. Like any habit, however, it will be hard to accomplish and it will take a lot of practice. But it is possible to let go of the past and live completely for the present.

 

Have a Blessed Week
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

Re-Centering: Finding Your Way Back To The Life You Meant To Live

http://zenhabits.net/re-centering-finding-your-way-back-to-the-life-you-meant-to-live/

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Eric Hamm of Motivate Thyself.

It’s amazing how far off course we can get when we’re not watching our steps.  We just wake up one day and wonder, “Where the heck am I and how did I get so far off my intended path?”

Let’s all take a second and travel back in time to what I like to call our ‘dreaming years‘.  This is the time when you’ve first opened your eyes to life as an adult.  The world is your oyster and the possibilities, endless.  Your desires are strong and yet simple in their structure.  The chaos of life has not yet stripped away your clear vision of what a healthy, happy life should be.

For me, this would be right around the time I started my tech consulting business.  I was excited about the early successes I was encountering and was just starting to move beyond the paycheck to paycheck lifestyle.  I saw great opportunity ahead and started laying out my goals with bated breath.

One day I was walking some laps around my favorite park dreaming of the future.  I started working some numbers in my head, thinking of what my possible income might be 5 years into the future.  (I wasn’t so much interested in the money as much as the freedom that a healthy income can bring.  More time to live the life I desired was what I was after.)

This day dreaming turned into some real goal setting.  I did the math, made some assumptions about my business growth and came up with some benchmarks to hit from year to year.  I was excited and ready to get to work!

 

Fast forward 5 years into the future.

My business has grown steadily with hundreds of new clients.  My income has almost quadrupled and I’m known in my town for my good service and dependability.  I hit my numbers and met my goals.  So I’m right where I want to be, right?  Wrong!

Why not?  I met all my goals.  I’ve reached the levels of success in my business that I was only dreaming about 5 years ago.  What’s wrong with that?

 

Life is 3 dimensional while our goals tend to be stuck in 2D.

When I was dreaming that day in the park I had a vision of the future that left out some very important details.  I never factored in our natural tendency to always live just beyond our means.  Our twisted desire to ‘keep up with the Joneses’.  5 years later I found myself making quadruple the money with quadruple the dept.  In other words, I was working that much harder to live in a bigger house with a few more toys.  The precious ‘time’ that I was originally after had slipped through my fingers and been replaced by the mirage that is the ‘American Dream’.

So here I am, trying to feel good about my accomplishments, only to look on my desk at the pile of bills staring back at me.

Am I discouraged?  Absolutely not!  It is only when you are blind to your misdirection that you should be worried.

It’s been a few months since I realized my major miscalculation and I have been working hard to try to find my way back to my original path.  Simplicity with a side of family and friends is what I was after and the dream is alive once again!

 

3 things to remember when setting your goals while dreaming of the future.

1: Life will throw you a curve at least twice a year.

There is no way of telling how often things really don’t go your way, but it seems like every six months or so I find myself in a spot that has knocked me off course.  There was nothing I could have done to prevent it.  That’s just life.

But if we are not setting our goals with these unforeseen ‘bumps in the road’ in mind, we will only find ourselves soon to be discouraged.  So build in a buffer when you set your goals.  Make sure you can withstand a few hits now and again without taking on too much water.

 

2: A penny saved IS a penny earned.

I leaned the hard way that increasing your income is only half the equation.  Make sure you are just as aware of the money going out as the money coming in.  Second and third guess your major purchases.  Ask yourself if it’s truly worth the time you will be trading for the item.  As much as I enjoy living in a night bigger house, I would trade it for more ‘time’ any day of the week!

 

3: Success comes on a curve.

I’ve found that about 75% of my initial income was made fairly easily.  Building my business was a steady process that yielded strong, steady growth.  But the last 25% is where the real stress comes in.  As your goals/needs require you to hit higher and higher marks, you will find that your efforts must increase exponentially.  Squeezing all the potential out of any venture requires much more effort than just settling for most of it.

So my advise is to live WELL within your means so you don’t force yourself to hit this drastic increase in effort.  I could make a solid living with little effort and a ton of time to spare.  But because I went so far off course, I had painted myself into a corner.  I was now forced to work much harder to get that last little bit out of my business that my current lifestyle required.

 

Other goals that can easily be lost in the hustle and bustle of life.

Of course money isn’t everything.  For many of us it’s staying in shape and living a healthy life.  We aspire to master an instrument or raise a family the best way we know how.  These and many other pursuits of life are easily diluted or completely forgotten as time slips away.  So it is with great importance and urgency that we open our eyes and take an honest look around us.  If we find that our intended path is no where to be found, we must re-center our minds and re-focus our hearts on the vision we once had.  Start living your life as you once intended and you will soon find your way back, once again moving in a positive direction.

 

Have A Blessed Weekend
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

What You Need to Know Before Living Together

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2011/what-you-need-to-know-before-living-together/all/1/

By: MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, M.S.

Over 12 million unmarried Americans are living together in 6 million households, according to the U.S. Census Bureau’s “America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2007.” With cohabitation so common, it’s easy to think that living together is as simple as merging each other’s things into one household.

It’s anything but. Below, relationship experts weigh in on whether living together is a good idea and how couples can make that decision wisely.

 

Is Living Together a Smart Move?

Couples therapists have different opinions on whether living together before marriage is a wise decision. For instance, according to Susan Heitler, Ph.D, a Denver clinical psychologist and author of the book The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong & Loving Marriage, “living together is putting oneself in a very vulnerable position,” especially if kids are involved.

When there isn’t a clear agreement, she says, “anyone can leave at any point.” However, “when there’s a clear commitment [of marriage], you learn to negotiate the rapids and come out on the other side.”

She also says that “there is significant research that the longer a couple lives together before they marry, the higher the odds of getting divorced.” One of the reasons may be that cohabiting without getting married usually means there’s something preventing you from making that commitment, and “pure living together doesn’t take care of” your issues, she says.

According to Robert Solley, Ph.D, a San Francisco clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy, while “moving in together doesn’t solve anything…it might bring to light things that need to be worked on.”

What’s more, he says that cohabiting “is much more complicated than most articles (and the survey studies themselves) imply.” We just don’t have enough information to make a definitive statement one way or the other, he says. Moving in together without being married isn’t necessarily a sign of problematic underlying issues, he maintains.

There also may be other intervening variables at play, he says. For instance, Solley cites research suggesting that American couples who live together and take premarital education courses or see a counselor may not be at a higher risk for divorce.

When thinking about cohabiting, “The question is not whether the order of events will make a difference in a relationship, it’s how you feel about your relationship,” Solley says. Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, agrees, saying, “I don’t think the situation should make the decision.” What should, she says, is “your relationship, how you work as a couple, how you feel about one another and how committed you are to each other.”

So moving in together really “depends on the couple and [the] reasons why you’re living together,” she says. Some couples want to cohabit because of convenience (e.g., one partner’s lease is up), saving money or the desire to see where the relationship is going. According to Orbuch, these reasons are not compelling enough to make the move. “You should not say to yourself I’m going to find out ____ by living together,” she explains.

Some experts do believe that living together can reveal whether you’re compatible. NYC-based couples psychologist Michael Batshaw, LCSW, who believes that it’s generally “more helpful to have lived with somebody” before marriage, says that “Certain things are essentially impossible to know in terms of compatibility if you aren’t spending every day with that person.”

On the other hand, Orbuch says that a wise reason to cohabit is “to strengthen a relationship, not to see if you’re compatible,” though she says that she’s known couples who’ve realized they aren’t compatible after living together.

 

Tips for Making the Decision to Move in

With so many expert opinions on cohabiting, how does a couple know what to do?

While experts may have various perspectives on living together, they all emphasize the importance of making this decision thoughtfully and being on the same page about your life together.

 

Here’s a list of things to consider before moving in together.

1.  Give it enough time before taking the leap.

According to Solley, “it takes at least six months of being together to get through the honeymoon period and start to become more aware of differences that were always there but because of hormonal changes and the general glow of the early phase of courtship are often overlooked or minimized.”

If couples want a marker, a year is a helpful guideline, says Batshaw, also author of 51 Things You Should Know Before Getting Engaged and the forthcoming Things You Need to Know Before Getting Married: The Essential Guide to a Successful Marriage. He says that if you create a risk benefit analysis on cohabiting, waiting “a little bit of extra time doesn’t hurt anyone.” Plus, it gives each partner his or her personal space to process the relationship.

Another advantage of waiting to cohabit is that you have the chance “to build up positive currency with each other in your psyche so that when conflict comes up, it’s balanced with positive interactions,” says Batshaw, who’s leading a NYC seminar this spring on Cutting Through the Obstacles to True Intimacy. This is easier to do when you’re living separately as “living together creates natural conflict.”

 

2.  Talk about your values and beliefs.

It’s important for couples to “flesh out the underlying meanings, values and feelings” about living together, Solley says. You want to really listen to “each other in terms of what each person’s beliefs are and why, and what the feelings (usually fears in this case) are for each.”

He explains, “For example, one person might be afraid that moving in together before engagement would set a ‘partial commitment’ trajectory, or is morally wrong, or would not be accepted by his or her family, whereas the other might fear that engagement before living together would be premature, would not allow a realistic appraisal of their relationship [and so on].”

What about the data on cohabitation and divorce? Solley tells couples to be careful about “using some set of statistics to back up one argument or another. Unless the evidence is really clear-cut (e.g., second hand smoke is bad for babies and kids), third party justification risks short-circuiting the more important fuller discussion of values and feelings.”

 

3.  Ask specific questions.

Solley says that the questions below are helpful to ask in any point of your relationship when considering a long-term commitment (but after the honeymoon period of six months). They may help you figure out if cohabiting is a good decision for you.

How do I feel with this person in general?

Is s/he responsive to me? Does s/he accept influence from me?

Is s/he there when I reach out and need him/her?

Does s/he hear me when I’m scared, hurt or sad, and can s/he help relieve my distress?

Do I feel valued and that what I have to say matters?

Do I feel safe to talk about anything? To say what I really feel or wish for, even if my partner may disagree?

Do we learn from each other and grow as a couple?

Orbuch suggests asking several questions as well, which are the same questions she recommends asking before getting engaged. “Living together is a commitment just like getting engaged and getting married,” she says.

Do you trust each other?

How do the two of you handle conflict?

Do you have similarities in underlying values about topics such as money, religion and children?

 

4.  Do not become financially entangled.

… Says Heitler; Solley agrees, adding, “At the outset, it’s probably wise to keep your money separate and come up with an explicit agreement about how things will be paid for [and] by whom.”

He also suggests talking about your values about money, such as spending versus saving and your priorities for spending.

 

5.  Have a plan.

Talk about “how you each relate to your living space, your daily habits, sorting out roles and responsibilities and all the things that living together bring[s],” Solley says. For some couples, this will be easier, while for others, it’ll take more work.

As Batshaw says, consider the little issues you think are insignificant, because no issue is too small when it comes to daily living.

For instance, you might ask, “Who does what according to what standard? Solley says. “Household tasks can be divided semi-randomly, according to ability, desire, and available time, or by other criteria.”

 

6. Consider what you’ll do next.

Many people don’t plan for the future, Orbuch says, which can leave partners confused and with different expectations. For instance, without an agreement, after a year, one partner might want to know whether they’re getting married while the other partner has no clue. So talk about how long you’d like to live together before making the decision to get married.

 

7.  Talk about your conflicts.

If there’s an issue that’s bothering you, that holds you back from making your relationship a permanent commitment, “ignoring it isn’t going to make it go away,” says Heitler, who emphasizes the importance of talking about these problems. Like she says above, living together won’t solve your problems. So it’s best to discuss them before the U-Haul arrives.

 

8.  Seek therapy.

If you’re struggling with certain issues as a couple or want general guidance to help you figure out the future, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in working with couples.

According to Solley, “On average couples wait six years after problems start before getting help, which makes it harder to turn things around. The sooner you admit to yourself that you’d like things to be better, the more likely you’ll be able to have the relationship you want.”

Also, keep in mind that if you’ve already tried to get help, it isn’t that your problems are impossible, but it may be that the therapist “didn’t have the skill set that you needed, so find someone else,” Heitler says.

The question of living together is a complex one, and the above are guidelines in helping couples to make that decision thoughtfully. Undeniably, relationships as a whole are complex and operate on many different levels, Solley says.

 

Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way