How to Know Someone is Right for you
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You lock eyes across a crowded room and you hear a click inside your head. It is as though all the pieces have finally fallen in place and your life is whole now. In short, you seem to have at last met the person you had waiting for all your life. But before you go any further than the first few dates, consider if you both are meant to be together. Here are a few ways to know someone is right for you.
You share the same values.
While chemistry provides the initial spark, it is hardly enough to keep a relationship going. For two people to have a meaningful relationship it is crucial that they uphold the same things in life. For instance, where spending money is concerned, do you and your partner have similar priorities? If one of you feels the whole point of making money is to be able to spend it while the other prefers saving for a rainy day, the divergence in views can lead to a significant source of stress in a relationship. Other areas where it might be beneficial to have similar values are relationships, spirituality, work and family. While it is not essential that two people have exactly the same strategy on how to go about a particular course – like giving up easy working conditions in exchange of a higher paid job – the fact that you both share a common perspective – that is recognizing the importance of a challenging career – would go a long way in smoothening out hiccups in your personal life.
You know about his/her family.
Asking personal questions is not the usual thing in the first couple of dates, unless of course the person is willing to talk about his family, childhood, other relationships and so on. This is because your date may have come from a broken home or been in a traumatic relationship. However at some point you need to know more about this person’s family as it is essential to a complete understanding of who he/she actually is. Many aspects of a personality are shaped by influences that one receives while growing up. So if your partner is the rebellious sort who has a knack for challenging the law, it may have something to do with an authoritarian or excessively strict father figure from childhood. At the same time, a partner who is checking on a child from a previous marriage every ten minutes on your date may not be ready to make space for you in his/her life as yet.
You have some common interests.
Sharing mutual interests is a good sign of compatibility in a relationship. A common love for gardening, Latino dancing or perhaps traveling can give you both a stress free and enjoyable way to spend time with each other. Firstly this will let you talk about things that interest you both without the need to micro-analyze your relationship all the time. Moreover you can bask in the profound satisfaction of creating something new like a just-tried out recipe for Indian fish curry or an earthen flower vase from your pottery class. In fact you need not even like the same things in the very same way – since you preferring to laze around on beaches during vacations while your partner tries out his/her hand at wind-surfing – but just the fact that you both love to travel and see new places can act as a bond and let you spend quality time with each other.
You are aware of the details.
When enraptured of each other, two people may quickly decide that they share the same values in a relationship and are thus meant for each other. But issues like freedom and commitment have several shades of meaning and at some point in the future, you may find that your definition does not necessarily match that of your partner’s. To take the example of freedom, you may think it means giving space to each other in a relationship like being able to pursue one’s own hobbies and interests even if they are time consuming. However for your boy/girlfriend it may include much more that that like being able to engage in sexual relationships outside the partnership. So unless you are certain of what exactly your partner means by describing an idea or arrangement, don’t rush into thinking that he or she is the right person for you.
Sexual attraction plays a crucial role in knowing if someone is right for you. It can help you to zero in on one person when the other candidates are practically all similar or it can blind you to a basic incompatibility of personalities. The most prudent way to go about it would be to first consider if you and the other person share the same life-values and then listen to what your body tells him/her about her. However emotions are much more difficult to dictate to in real life and far messier as well. But even if you must give yourself unto sexual passion, hold back the decision on any kind of emotional commitment until you know the person a little more.
Give it time.
Sometimes the feeling that this is the only one for you can be so overwhelming that it can blot out all other considerations of the rational mind. You might find yourself differing on several issues like life goals and intellectual compatibility with the new person in your life but sharing such a strong emotional and sexual bond that nothing else seems to matter. Here the ideal way to find out whether this actually going to work out or not, would be to give the relationship some time. Stay away from each other for a month or so and cut down your phone calls and emails to a minimum. Reflect on your own hopes and aspirations for the future during this time and ask yourself how far are you willing to compromise those for this one person and what do you stand to gain in return. If at the end of the period you still feel as strongly about this person as before, then perhaps you are meant to be together despite all the practical grounds of difference.
There is no foolproof equation to tell if someone is right for you. Changing circumstances affect not only priorities and personalities but also a how a person views the world around. However if you keep certain aspects of a relationship in mind, then you are more likely to be right than wrong in knowing if you two are meant to be together.
Have a blessed day
Love & Light