Monthly Archives: September 2011
Having Faith can be very difficult when things are at the worst!!
Faith is the one thing that can keep us going!!!
I hope you enjoy today’s post!!
by Randy Gage
When you face challenges, adversity and difficulties, you will always prevail, if you will refuse to yield. It’s worth stating this upfront because many people believe that the odds are stacked against them and a prosperous life is a long shot or even an impossibility. But that is not the case…
That opinion comes because of a core underlying belief that the universe is inherently evil. But there is no inherent and permanent evil in the world. Infinite Intelligence is good, all the time. And it is only when we turn away from Infinite Intelligence that the road becomes rocky.
We like to perceive evil, because that takes the responsibility for our own destiny off our shoulders. The person who wants to become healthy, happy and abundant must have no doubt that the universe is inherently good.
This realization can be difficult, especially if you have allowed the many lack-centered mind viruses to infect your subconscious mind. At first you must believe it, and that belief adhered to, until it ripens into realization and knowing.
The sorrows of life can be great; I get that. When we bury a young loved one, suffer a broken heart, or experience a betrayal, it can certainly seem like the universe is indeed dark. But sometimes we need the dark to appreciate the light. And dark is not evil, it’s just dark.
The passions and conflicting thoughts of human nature in their ungoverned state can be overwhelming. Your thoughts don’t organize and direct themselves. You must choose to be a critical thinker and supervise the process. When you do this, your thoughts become obedient servants, to lead you to the life you wish to live and allow you to tap into the natural order of the universe, which is inherently good.
When you stand face to face with truth, you will understand that every challenge is a stepping-stone to build the character that allows you to ultimately triumph. This has been decreed by every sage, saint and savior the world has ever known. It is the process when you graduate from student to master…
You are not meant to be the whipping boy and suffer interminably. The sorrows of life can be great, but they can be fathomed out, conquered, and used for greater good. When we accept these lessons for what they truly are, we graduate from pupil to scholar, and manifest the health, happiness and abundance we desire.
Evil is a mind virus. For you to become strong, serene, and at peace, you must have no doubt that the universe is ruled by an Infinite Intelligence that is good. Your sufferings will reduce greatly when you simply accept them as the disciplinary lessons they are. You transcend them and arrive at a place of peace.
This is accomplished by faith. Faith is the dawn before the new day. Without faith there can be no attainment of strength, no permanent security.
Please check in with your thoughts below. And next post we’ll continue the discussion looking at the issues of what causes people to believe in evil.
Have a blessed weekend
Love & Light
I hope you enjoy!!
By Remez Sasson
Willpower is the inner strength and the inner engine that propels towards success and achievement. It is the power that pushes into action in every area of life. Willpower is one of the most important and desirable inner powers, and its lack or presence determines whether you will fail or accomplish your desires and ambitions and attain success.
Willpower is erroneously considered as a quality belonging only to highly successful people, who depend on strength and force to achieve their goals. The truth is that it can be developed by everyone, and it is important, useful and desirable in the small affairs of life, as it is in the achievement of major goals.
If you usually feel too lazy, developing your inner strength will help you to overcome this laziness. If you usually procrastinate, possess low self-esteem, feel weak and vulnerable or lack self-control, strengthening this power will help you too.
Willpower, which is inner strength, manifests as the ability to control unnecessary and harmful impulses. It also manifests as the ability to decide, abide by this decision, and follow it with perseverance until its successful accomplishment. This ability gives you the courage and strength to endure and overcome inner and outer resistance and opposition, difficulties and hardships.
There are many who lack the inner strength to say “no”. Others find it difficult to follow and assert their ideas and beliefs. Some are afraid to take action and make changes or they lack resolution and the persistence to go on with their plans to the end. A strong power of the will can change all this.
It is the right and privilege of everyone to develop this ability. Everyone can develop it to a greater or smaller extent, depending on the desire, earnestness, ambition and time devoted to developing and strengthening this inner power.
In many of my other articles, and in the book “Will power and self discipline”, I have emphasized the importance of developing this ability, and showed how to do that. You do not require super ordinary powers to develop it. You do not need to sleep on a bed of nails, fast or stand on one foot for days, as fakirs do. The concept that the development of willpower requires you to undergo suffering and physical mutilation is not true.
Developing willpower and inner strength is a gradual process that everyone can undertake. Some will be able to reach higher levels of power, while others will reach different degrees of development, but the way is open to all.
You will have to give up some unnecessary and harmful pleasures and change some unhealthy habits, but this is for a higher good. You give up something harmful or useless, in order to gain strength and power that will help you in every area of your life. In fact, the whole process can be turned into an absorbing, enjoyable and interesting challenge.
Training and exercising your willpower will fill you with strength, courage, and assertiveness. As your power grows, it will be easier for you to get rid of habits and attitudes that stand in your way to a better life. You will gain inner strength that will help you at your job and at home, in your relationships, with carrying on your tasks and with accomplishing your ambitions.
Have a blessed day
Love & Light
Knowing how to deal with those negative people in your life can be difficult to figure out sometimes. I hope that this article will help you sort it out!
By: Tina Su
Can you recall the last time you had to deal with a negative or difficult person? Or the last time someone said something with the intention of hurting you? How did you handle it? What was the result? What can you do in the future to get through these situations with peace and grace?
No matter where we go, we will face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who piss us off or people who simply do not like us. There are 6.4 billion people out there and conflict is a fact of life. This fact isn’t the cause of conflict but it is the trigger to our emotions and our emotions are what drive us back to our most basic survival instinct; react and attack back to defend ourselves.
In these instinctual moments, we may lose track of our higher selves and become the human animal with an urge to protect ourselves when attacked. This too is natural. However, we are the only animal blessed with intelligence and having the ability to control our responses. So how can we do that?
I regularly get asked “How do you deal with the negative comments about your articles? They are brutal. I don’t think I could handle them.” My answer is simple, “I don’t let it bother me to begin with.” It wasn’t always this simple, and took me some time before overcoming this natural urgency to protect myself and attack back.
I know it’s not easy, if it was easy, there wouldn’t be difficult or negative people to begin with.
Why Bother Controlling Our Responses?
1. Hurting Ourselves
One of my favorite sayings is “Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The only person we hurt is ourselves. When we react to negativity, we are disturbing our inner space and mentally creating pain within ourselves.
2. It’s Not About You, It’s About Them
I’ve learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a reflection of their inner state expressed externally and you just happen to be in front of that expression. It’s not personal, so why do we take it personally? In short: Because our ego likes problems and conflict. People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to take others down with them.
There have been many times when a random person has left a purposefully hurtful comment on TSN, and regularly checked back to see if anyone else responded to their comment, waiting eagerly to respond with more negativity.
3. Battle of the Ego
When we respond impulsively, it is a natural and honest response. However, is it the smart thing to do? What can be resolved by doing so? The answer: Nothing. It does however feed our ego’s need for conflict.
Have you noticed that when we fight back, it feels really satisfying in our heads? But it doesn’t feel very good in our soul? Our stomach becomes tight, and we start having violent thoughts?
When we do respond irrationally, it turns the conversation from a one-sided negative expression into a battle of two egos. It becomes an unnecessary and unproductive battle for Who is Right?
4. Anger Feeds Anger. Negativity Feeds Negativity.
Rarely can any good come out of reacting against someone who is in a negative state. It will only trigger anger and an additional reactive response from that person. If we do respond impulsively, we’ll have invested energy in the defending of ourselves and we’ll feel more psychologically compelled to defend ourselves going forward.
Have you noticed that the angrier our thoughts become, the angrier we become? It’s a negative downward spiral.
5. Waste of Energy
Where attention goes, energy flows. What we focus on tends to expand itself. Since we can only focus on one thing at a time, energy spent on negativity is energy that could have been spent on our personal wellbeing.
6. Negativity Spreads
I’ve found that once I allow negativity in one area of my life, it starts to subtly bleed into other areas as well. When we are in a negative state or holding a grudge against someone, we don’t feel very good. We carry that energy with us as we go about our day. When we don’t feel very good, we lose sight of clarity and may react unconsciously to matters in other areas of our lives, unnecessarily.
7. Freedom of Speech
People are as entitled to their opinions as you are. Allow them to express how they feel and let it be. Remember that it’s all relative and a matter of perspective. What we consider positive can be perceived by another as negative. When we react, it becomes me-versus-you, who is right?
Some people may have a less than eloquent way of expressing themselves – it may even be offensive, but they are still entitled to do so. They have the right to express their own opinions and we have the right and will power to choose our responses. We can choose peace or we can choose conflict.
15 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People
While I’ve had a lot of practice dealing with negativity, it is something I find myself having to actively work on. When I’m caught off guard and end up resorting to a defensive position, the result rarely turns out well.
The point is, we are humans after all, and we have emotions and egos. However, by keeping our egos in-check and inserting emotional intelligence, we’ll not only be doing a favor for our health and mental space, but we’ll also have intercepted a situation that would have gone bad, unnecessarily.
Here are some tips for dealing with a difficult person or negative message:
What would the Dali Lama do if he was in the situation? He would most likely forgive. Remember that at our very core, we are good, but our judgment becomes clouded and we may say hurtful things. Ask yourself, “What is it about this situation or person that I can seek to understand and forgive?“
2. Wait it Out
Sometimes I feel compelled to instantly send an email defending myself. I’ve learned that emotionally charged emails never get us the result we want; they only add oil to the fire. What is helpful is inserting time to allow ourselves to cool off. You can write the emotionally charged email to the person, just don’t send it off. Wait until you’ve cooled off before responding, if you choose to respond at all.
3. “Does it really matter if I am right?“
Sometimes we respond with the intention of defending the side we took a position on. If you find yourself arguing for the sake of being right, ask “Does it matter if I am right?” If yes, then ask “Why do I need to be right? What will I gain?“
4. Don’t Respond
Many times when a person initiates a negative message or difficult attitude, they are trying to trigger a response from you. When we react, we are actually giving them what they want. Let’s stop the cycle of negative snowballing and sell them short on what they’re looking for; don’t bother responding.
5. Stop Talking About It
When you have a problem or a conflict in your life, don’t you find that people just love talking about it? We end up repeating the story to anyone who’ll listen. We express how much we hate the situation or person. What we fail to recognize in these moments is that the more we talk about something, the more of that thing we’ll notice.
Example, the more we talk about how much we dislike a person, the more hate we will feel towards them and the more we’ll notice things about them that we dislike. Stop giving it energy, stop thinking about it, and stop talking about it. Do your best to not repeat the story to others.
6. Be In Their Shoes
As cliché as this may sound, we tend to forget that we become blind-sided in the situation. Try putting yourself in their position and consider how you may have hurt their feelings. This understanding will give you a new perspective on becoming rational again, and may help you develop compassion for the other person.
7. Look for the Lessons
No situation is ever lost if we can take away from it some lessons that will help us grow and become a better person. Regardless of how negative a scenario may appear, there is always a hidden gift in the form of a lesson. Find the lesson(s).
8. Choose to Eliminate Negative People In Your Life
Negative people can be a source of energy drain. And deeply unhappy people will want to bring you down emotionally, so that they are not down there alone. Be aware of this. Unless you have a lot of time on your hands and do not mind the energy drain, I recommend that you cut them off from your life.
Cut them out by avoiding interactions with them as much as possible. Remember that you have the choice to commit to being surrounded by people who have the qualities you admire: optimistic, positive, peaceful and encouraging people. As Kathy Sierra said, “Be around the change you want to see in the world.”
9. Become the Observer
When we practice becoming the observer of our feelings, our thoughts and the situation, we separate ourselves away from the emotions. Instead of identifying with the emotions and letting them consume us, we observe them with clarity and detachment. When you find yourself identifying with emotions and thoughts, bring your focus on your breathe.
10. Go for a Run
… or a swim, or some other workout. Physical exercise can help to release the negative and excess energy in us. Use exercise as a tool to clear your mind and release built up negative energy.
11. Worst Case Scenario
Ask yourself two questions,
“If I do not respond, what is the worst thing that can result from it?“
“If I do respond, what is the worst thing that can result from it?“
Answering these questions often adds perspectives to the situation, and you’ll realize that nothing good will come out of reacting. Your energy will be wasted, and your inner space disturbed.
12. Avoid Heated Discussions
When we’re emotionally charged, we are so much in our heads that we argue out of an impulse to be right, to defend ourselves, for the sake of our egos. Rationality and resolution can rarely arise out of these discussions. If a discussion is necessary, wait until everyone has cooled off before diving into one.
13. Most Important
List out things in your life most important to you. Then ask yourself, “Will a reaction to this person contribute to the things that matter most to me?“
14. Pour Honey
This doesn’t always work, but sometimes catches people off guard when they’re trying to “Pour Poison” on you. Compliment the other person for something they did well, tell them you’ve learned something new through interacting with them, and maybe offer to become friends. Remember to be genuine. You might have to dig deep to find something that you appreciate about this person.
15. Express It
Take out some scrap paper and dump all the random and negative thoughts out of you by writing freely without editing. Continue to do so until you have nothing else to say. Now, roll the paper up into a ball, close your eyes and visualize that all the negative energy is now inside that paper ball. Toss the paper ball in the trash. Let it go!
Have a blessed week
Love & Light
We all start over from time to time and could use a little advise on the best way to make that happen for ourselves.
I hope you enjoy this site!!
By: Matt Theriault
For a solution of how to get success when starting a new life to be of any value, it has to produce a lasting and consistent result. We’ve all tried something new before, let alone starting a new life, and likely have experienced some promising results only to be let down in the end. In fact, many people searching for an answer of how to get success dread taking action once they find an answer because subconsciously they believe the result will only be temporary. For the last few years of my life I have stuck to three basic steps of how to get success. They are easily applied in any endeavor to which you aspire including when starting a new life.
Step 1 – Elevate Your Values
Achieving success when starting a new life begins with elevating your values. My journey from bagging groceries full-time to investing in real estate full-time began with creating a list of everything in my life I was no longer willing to tolerate. I decided that making excuses, complaining about how unfair life is, beating myself up and living paycheck to paycheck was not a life of how to get success. So, after I completed my list I decided that “enough is enough” and I took a stand for my own life.
Step 2 – Monitor Your Thoughts and Beliefs
If you’ve elevated your values for starting a new life but lack the belief that you can follow through, you’re undermining your success. This approach of how to get success will be a frustrating lesson in futility. Unless you can harbor the right thoughts and beliefs, it is unlikely that you’ll even try… or try for very long. Your thoughts and beliefs are paramount for successfully starting a new life. Your thoughts and beliefs lead to your words of which lead to your actions of which lead to your habits of which lead to your character of which lead to your destiny, but your success begins with your thoughts and beliefs. You must become the master of your thoughts, and you must become the master with intent. Helpful tools to master your thoughts can be found at http://ThinkWithIntent.com and http://ThinkAndAttractSuccess.com.
Step 3 – Alter Your Approach
Obviously, if you continue to do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten, but which approach to take? By first elevating your values and becoming the master of your thoughts and beliefs, the path of how to get success when starting a new life will begin to appear. Whether you choose to believe it or not, you’ll know what to do. We all typically know what to do, but where we often fall short is doing what we know. However, if you’ve completed the first two steps and you’re lacking confidence in your approach, seek out someone who is leading the life you want to lead. Adopt them as a role model, or even as a mentor, and mimic their approach to life. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel. By starting a new life using someone else’s wheel, you will experience similar success, or you’ll quickly discover how to get success on your terms. The key here is to keep the wheel spinning. Success is attracted to movement.
First, establish what you’re no longer willing to tolerate in life and elevate your values; Second, change your limiting beliefs and constantly monitor your thoughts and those beliefs; Third, alter your approach, and keep altering or modifying it until you get there. Nothing happens until something moves. Taking action on these three steps is how to get success when starting a new life. You can do it.
Have a blessed weekend
Love & Light
Here’s a topic that touches everyone!! I hope you enjoy!!
by Arina Nikitina
Self-control is the ability to make decisions about how and when we express our feelings, and which of our impulses to act on. This is a life-long process, which starts from your childhood and perfects for the rest of your life. In this report I am going to teach you how keep in check all self-destructive and irrational behaviours. By learning self-control you will undoubtedly improve your personal relationships. I’ll teach you a couple of tricks that will help you to keep your over-emotional responses in check and your relationships in a healthy balance of “give” and “take”. You’ll also learn how to cope with stress in your hectic life.
Let’s do a quick visualization that will help you to grasp the concept of self-discipline a lot better.
Imagine that you are reading this article half-lying in a cosy chair. You are totally relaxed, warm and comfortable. You are enjoying it… Suddenly a phone rings. What do you do? Of course you answer it. Do you know why?
Not because you are expecting some life-changing news or because you can’t wait to see who’s calling. You answer the phone due to your previously formed habit and gained experience. The ring of the phone is a signal, an irritant, which you have learned to obey. You do it without thinking or making any special decision. A phone rings – you react. You get up from your comfortable chair, put my article aside, and hurry to answer it.
You see how easy that external irritant has set you in motion. It has changed your previous mindset and course of action. After all you were planning on reading in peace and quiet for some time. You were looking forward to it… Unfortunately, your reaction on exogenous irritant had ruined your beautiful plans.
This is a simple every-day situation, but I want you to pay attention to one little detail that most of us so often forget. You didn’t have to react in any way on the ringing phone. You could have totally ignored it. Instead of getting up you could have been relaxing and letting your body soak into that comfortable chair. All you had to do is to stick to you initial plan.
Now imagine the same situation but a slightly different scenario. You are enjoying yourself, letting you mind and body rest. A phone rings. But instead of getting up, you ignore the phone, staying unemotional. On the back of your mind you are aware of the signal that your phone is making, but you are not paying any attention to it. You refuse to follow your initial reflex. The phone doesn’t have any control over your behaviour and cannot move you an inch.
Don’t get me wrong! I’m not saying that you should never answer the phone again. I’m just using this situation as an example. There is nothing wrong with picking up the phone. But it shows how often we are getting into the habit of reacting in a certain way on the different irritants coming from the outside. We are doing it without even giving it a back glance, without thinking. If you want to control the situation you should change that.
Have a blessed day
Love & Light
I hope you enjoy!!
Perhaps the most important realization that an individual can make in their quest for personal growth is that there is no single formula that defines the path to personal success. We all have different goals and priorities, which means that different activities and attitudes will make us feel good about ourselves. We also have different natural strengths and weaknesses that are a part of our inherent personality type. How then, as individuals, can we feel successful in our lives?
Understand What’s Important to You
Each personality type has a different idea of what it means to be successful. Self-knowledge is one common goal that will help everyone achieve personal success. So many people are hung up on somebody else’s idea of what it means to be successful, and they are unaware of what is truly important to them. This is completely normal. We all have important role-models and influencers in our lives who may have basic values that are quite different from our own. If this is the case, it’s important to recognize that the discrepancy between what we have been taught is truly important and what we personally believe to be truly important is due to a difference in perspective. If we spend our time and effort trying to meet somebody else’s idea of success, and ignore or belittle any conflicting messages from our own psyche, then we will find ourselves exhausted and unhappy. Realizing what is truly important to us is a major step towards achieving personal success.
Recognize Your Weaknesses Without Hiding Behind Them
While improving our self-knowledge and realizing our true goals can be very liberating, we should not discard the rules of the society in which we live. We must recognize that other people’s value systems are no less important than our own. And we must recognize and accept that we live in a society in which certain personality types and behaviors are more suited towards particular tasks. This is the second key that will open the door towards personal growth.
For example, there are situations in which it is more appropriate and effective to show compassion and caring (Feeling), rather than impersonal logic (Thinking). Likewise, there are situations that call for using impersonal logic to make a decision, in which the more subjective viewpoint of the Feeling function is inappropriate and ineffective. Persons with a preference for Feeling will have a natural advantage over Thinkers in situations that require compassion and awareness of other’s emotions. Conversely, persons with a preference for Thinking will have a natural advantage over Feelers in situations that require the ability to make a decision based on impersonal data.
As we learn about our personality type and the types of others, we are empowered with an understanding of why people react differently in different situations. When put into the context of Psychological Type, we can better accept and understand people’s behaviors that are different from ours. These insights are extremely useful and powerful to us as individuals. However, if we are concerned with growing as individuals, we must take care not to use personality type as an excuse for our inappropriate behavior. While it’s powerful and useful to notice that another person’s inappropriate behavior may be due to their personality type, we cannot use the same reasoning on ourselves. We should recognize that our personality type has weaknesses, but we must use that knowledge to conquer those weaknesses rather than to excuse poor behavior. We cannot be responsible for other people’s behavior, but we can control our own.
Accordingly, if we notice that someone seems to be unable to make an impersonal decision that is isolated from human perspective, we should say to ourselves, “Ah ha, here is a Feeler. This person does not use Thinking well, and that is why they’re behaving this way.” Yet when we as Feelers are presented with a situation that requires an impersonal approach, we should NOT say to ourselves “I am a Feeler, and can’t be expected to make decisions based purely on impersonal facts and logic.” This kind of rationalization for behavior is certainly an easy way out of a situation, but it enforces the weakness, making it weaker and weaker still.
Strive for Balance
Most of the weaknesses associated with any given personality type are a result of that type’s dominant function overtaking the personality to the extent that the other functions become slaves to the dominant function. Although it is natural for every personality to be ruled by its dominant function, it becomes a problem when the supporting functions are not allowed to develop fully on their own because they are too busy “serving the master”. In such cases, a personality can become quite imbalanced.
A situation in which the dominant function of a personality completely overshadows the other personality functions is analogous to a kingdom that is ruled by an overbearing king who requires absolute servitude. Imagine such a king sitting down to dinner in his castle. He keeps all of his servants running about to bring him dinner, and requires that they serve him fully (disregarding their own needs) until he is completed sated. His Foreign Minister, who is expected at an important affair at a neighboring kingdom, finds himself pouring ale. His Minister of Domestic Affairs, rather than addressing the issue of a failing economy, slices roast turkey. His staff grabs food for themselves here and there, but never get what they really need or want, and are consequently unsatisfied, malnourished, and underdeveloped. The issues that the staff should be taking care of are left undone, because they never finish their primary task of serving the king. The king’s immediate needs are being met, and so he is tolerably happy, but he is an ineffective king. As far as he knows, everything and everybody exists simply to serve him. He has no concept of Success beyond his daily needs. Since he cannot see beyond his own needs, the entire kingdom suffers.
Likewise, a personality that has developed with a goal of serving the dominant function above all other considerations often results in a person who is imbalanced. In severe cases, the weaknesses associated with the given type are often quite apparent to others, and overshadow the individual’s natural strengths. Such a drastic imbalance is not common, and may be the result of continuous and extreme stress. Most people will experience times in their lives during which they are stressed to the point of serious imbalance. People who experience this constantly have issues that need to be dealt with, and should seek help.
Much more commonly, we see individuals who exhibit both the strengths and weaknesses of their type. It is natural and healthy that each personality type is ruled by a dominant function, and that the other functions support the ruling function. We don’t seek to change anyone’s natural self, or to achieve a perfect balance amongst a personality’s functions. By definition, a kingdom needs a king in order to exist, and a personality needs a dominant function. However, a kingdom with a well-developed and effective king (the dominant function), who has well-trained and educated advisors (the supporting functions), will thrive more than the kingdom ruled by a neglectful king who is supported by inexperienced advisors.
As we can see, Balance and Success are relative terms. They have different meaning for each of the sixteen personality types. One statement using these terms is true for all types: Balance is the key to Success.
Opening the Door
So how do we go about realizing what’s truly important to us? How do we recognize our weaknesses, and learn not to hide behind them? How do we become balanced? How do we open that magical door that will show us the way to personal growth and success?
There is no quickie scheme that will make you a successful person. Psychological Type is a powerful aid in our quest for excellence, but it is not the actual solution. It is a model that will help you to expand your understanding of human nature. An improved understanding of yourself and others will help you to find, follow or expand your path. An awareness and acceptance of the fact that one personality function may be more effective than another function in a given situation will help you to understand the relevance of personal growth to your life.
Carl Jung identified a process of personal growth that he called individuation, which is essentially the conscious realization of your true self, beyond the Ego that is presented by your conscious self. Our efforts to help people develop themselves is essentially the effort to help them to realize that their personal perspectives and conscious ideas are only a small part of who they are, and that the more they try to develop and defend this superficial “self”, the further they get away from their true Self. This realization helps a psyche in many concrete ways, and is also a positive step towards promoting a psyche that is open to the process of individuation. For the purposes of making this realization accessible to the general public, our writings are mostly void of complex theoretical discussion.
Have a blessed day
Love & Light
This site talks about communication in the work place but it also applies to all relationships. No matter who you speak to it is important to listen to everything that is being said and what is not being said!! I hope you enjpy this is very good advise!!
Written by David B. Bohl of Slow Down Fast.
If you ask most people what the opposite of talking is, they will say it is listening. The truth, though, is that the opposite of talking is waiting to talk. Pay attention to conversations and you will see that there is very little listening going on. Each person is waiting to speak their mind, nearly heedless of what the other person is really saying.
Learning the art of listening can help you become more successful in business and in your personal life. You can develop deeper friendships, keener professional awareness, and a more meaningful understanding with your partner. You can experience greater fulfillment in your relationships due to conversations holding a deeper meaning.
Honing your listening skills is not difficult. Once you make the conscious decision to become a better listener, and practice a few simple exercises, you will develop a greater insight into what people are really saying.
Words do not Convey the True Story: If you are only listening on a superficial level, you may hear the words another is saying, but you likely will not gain the true understanding behind the story, or the hidden truths that are being concealed.
When you speak with someone on the telephone, you can hear the different voice inflections that give you indications of the other person’s emotional state, or even to their truthfulness. If you listen closely you will be able to tell if the other person is nervous, afraid, sad, depressed, or elated. Combining these verbal clues with the spoken words helps the listener decipher the emotional undertones behind a story. They may allow the listener to make preliminary judgments as to the truthfulness of a story.
When engaged in a telephone conversation, the listener is probably more likely to notice voice inflection than if the two were talking in person. The lack of visual clues makes the ear more aware of verbal inflections.
Most of the Story is Silent: The majority of communication takes place in the form of body language. Just by watching a person you know whether they are telling the truth or a tale, are angry or afraid, are happy or sad. Fidgeting hands, pacing, shifting eyes, tears, and visible shaking are all examples of possible behaviors you may witness that give clues as to the speaker’s emotional state.
Paying attention to the eyes can give you a good indication as to the honesty of what is being said. A person who looks at the ground or shifts the eyes off to the side is hiding something and could be telling you a lie. It is extremely difficult for a person to look someone else directly into the eye and tell a lie without flinching.
Listen to the Whole Story: Whether you are speaking with an office colleague or a trusted friend, pay attention to visual and auditory clues as well as to the actual words being spoken. Noticing non-verbal language will tell you as much or more than the spoken word and will help you to gain understanding of the innuendo behind those words. There may be a whole lot more being said than originally meets the eye.
In addition to watching body language, lean in toward the speaker and offer your undivided attention. Do not interrupt, but rather allow the speaker freedom to let the words flow unrestrained. When you have the opportunity, summarize what you were told and repeat it back to the speaker. This will reinforce that you are not only listening, but understanding as well.
Demonstrating interest in the conversation and summarizing the conversation back to the speaker reassures the other person and forms an intimacy between you. This is an important step towards building rapport. Once you have come to familiar ground, the speaker very well may continue with the conversation and reveal details they never intended.
If this begins to happen, keep in mind the context of your conversation and the nature of your relationship. You may suddenly be hearing intimate details that you would prefer not to have knowledge of, or a colleague could be giving you some very useful information about an upcoming deal. You then need to decide whether the conversation is beginning to eclipse your level of comfort or if continuing to listen will compromise your integrity. From there you will have to decide to either continue to listen or politely excuse yourself. Some conversations may provide crucial details to helping you achieve your goals, while others may begin to cross the line into confidential territory.
With a little practice and self-discipline, it is easy to learn to be a better listener. You can develop a deeper intimacy with your spouse, gain a greater understanding of your children, and achieve a better working relationship with your boss or colleagues. Learning the art of listening can enhance all areas of your life, providing you with greater understanding of the people around you. Just remember that you are supposed to be listening, not waiting to talk.
Have a blessed week
Love & Light
It’s good to be back, I had some technical difficulties with my computer!!
Cultivating spiritual strength
We all know the importance of physical exercise and diet for our physical fitness. We all know it is important to be mindful, to be aware of the thoughts we are thinking and to try and be more positive mentally.
But real spiritual strength is something we generally do not understand. We see inspirational people who seem able to, no matter what the calamity, sail through with calmness and equanimity, even taking such events as lessons or blessings. They seem strong, serene in their certainty, powerful in their sureness.
How do we become strong, what muscles need to be exercised for us to be spiritually tough?
There is a really simple explanation here.
Spiritual strength is dictated by the number of souls we love with the fewest conditions and expectations. This includes every soul, every particle of matter and beyond – rocks, plants, animals, humans everything.
Let’s be clear, this in no way suggests anything other than monogamy with our partners. But in our society we are spiritually very weak because we advocate just a few expressions of love, basically within the family and usually no further. The family relationships and even our partner relationships should be a tiny percentage of the ways we experience love.
For most of us, 99% of love is with our partner and family and 1% elsewhere, whereas for us to be spiritually strong it should be 1% at home and 99% elsewhere. That is not to say that we should love our partner or family less, but rather everything else should be loved more. Our partner, our family, should be the example of the unconditional love that we want to radiate to everyone and every thing.
You might begin to see how this would make us stronger. Let us say we have a relationship problem with a member of our family. In the model where it is one of the few ways we experience love, it would become a huge event, an all consuming soap-opera like that would deplete us and negatively affect our emotional state. Taken a step further, if the problem was with our partner, perhaps following on into real conflict, than this might result in an emotional and spiritual meltdown.
If we are able to have many ways that we experience love, multiple points of connection to the flow of love, then we become truly resilient, authentically and spiritually strong. The more points of connection, the stronger we are, the more God-like or like the universe we are.
Have a blessed weekend
Love & Light
This is a monthly layout of what is to come, by the sign!! I hope you enjoy!!
The latest monthly forecasts by sign are listed below.
By: Susan Miller
Aries Mar 21 – Apr 19
Taurus Apr 20 – May 20
Gemini May 21 – June 20
Cancer June 21 – July 22
Leo July 23 – Aug 22
Virgo Aug 23 – Sept 22
Libra Sept 23 – Oct 22
Scorpio Oct 23 – Nov 21
Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21
Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 19
Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18
Pisces Feb 19 – March 20
Have a blessed weekend
Love & Light
Forgiveness is so important for your happiness. This site has a lot of good examples and ideas of how to get to forgiveness!!!
As noted, everyone holds expectations about how their husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, should behave.
In fact, romantic partners and spouses place a lot of expectations on each other (see, Millar and Tessar). People have expectations about how their partners should spend their free time, behave at work, act in social situations, and so on.
And for the most part, people try to live up to their partner’s expectations. In general, people do not like to disappoint their romantic partners. No one seeks out disapproval – we desire acceptance and want our spouses and partners to like us.
With that said, however, no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and falls short of their partner’s expectations from time to time.
When this happens, it is important to forgive people for their mistakes and shortcomings (see, Millar and Tessar). If you constantly remind a partner of their flaws or slip-ups, they are likely to hide similar things from you in the future.
If your spouse has too much to drink one evening, and you constantly bring it up, odds are good that he or she will try to hide similar behavior from you the next time it happens.
On the other hand, if you forgive your partner for what he or she has done, you are much more likely to find out about similar mistakes in the future.
Have a blessed day
Love & Light