Category Archives: Relationship W/Self

Anything subject that has to do with self improvement

The Power of Asking for What You Want

http://www.dumblittleman.com/2011/01/power-of-asking-for-what-you-want.html

Getting what you want out of life isn’t always easy. You can spend weeks, months or even years working on your goals. That’s a lot of effort and planning just to get from point A to point B. Worse still are the people who do nothing but wait around hoping that what they want will just appear in front of them.

There’s a better way to get what you want, just ask for it. The old adage that the fastest route between two points is a straight line applies here. Asking for what you want is easier and works faster than any plan you could come up with.

My Story of Asking for What I Want

Sometimes asking for what you want can really surprise you. After I graduated college, I got a full time job and began my career. About a year into the job I had an opportunity to travel through Southeast Asia. This travel was not for work, it would have been a personal trip for 30 days! I was in a bind. Traveling through Asia had always been a dream of mine. However, I knew I couldn’t just quit the job I tried so hard to obtain.

I tried to think through my situation. I realize that most jobs in America only allow two weeks of vacation per year. In fact, I don’t think I had seen anyone where I worked take any time off whatsoever. But I wanted both a job and travel so I racked my brain figuring out a plan to make it work. I realized I had only one option: to ask for what I want.

I had no doubt in my mind that I would get a “no”. No one expects their employer to allow that much time off just to travel. But to my surprise, I got the OK. The only stipulation was that I would be put into a different position when I got back. I was completely satisfied with the arrangement. A few months later, I was in a plane half way over the Pacific on my way to Thailand. And the best part was, I felt reassured that I had a position when I got back.

The biggest reason most people don’t try asking for what they want is fear. They fear rejection or they fear that they’ll ask in the wrong way or say something stupid. Asking someone for something you want can be a scary thing to do, but it’s a lot better than waiting for it to just happen. And with a few tips, you can make your experience a lot better.

Here are a handful of things I did to help get the response I was looking for.

Be Assertive

There’s something about combining confidence with control that gets attention. People really respond positively to it. You’re probably going to be nervous asking, but that’s normal. Relax as best as you can and be confident. If you ask in an assertive, polite way, you’re more likely to get what you want.

Know what you want

The more specific a request you make, the easier it will be for both you and the person you’re asking. If you appear indecisive and unsure in what you want, your request will come off as weak. Part of success in asking for what you want is showing the person how much you really want it. Show this by being specific in what you want. Plus, being specific is just polite to the person you’re asking in case they have to work around your request.

Be Flexible

Being specific in what you want is important, but so is being flexible. When I asked for my time off to travel, I had to accept the different position when I came back. If I had been rigid in my demands, I wouldn’t have succeeded. It wasn’t ideal for me, but it was acceptable in order to get what I wanted. If you’re prepared to compromise, you’ll succeed too.

Be prepared for a “no”

Asking for what you want isn’t a silver bullet for success. Oftentimes, you’ll receive a “no” and you have to be prepared for that. Years after my travels through Southeast Asia, I thought I would ask for similar time off from a new employer. I asked for a month off to travel and got a “no”. However, they did spend several days in consideration so I think it was pretty close to being accepted. I had to settle for a regular two week trip instead. I didn’t get what I wanted, but nothing bad happened to me by asking.

People want to help you

Before you ask for what you want, realize that people want to help you. It is rare for someone to respond negatively to a well-thought out polite request. Most people get a good feeling by helping another person out. Plus, they’ll probably remember a time when they were in a similar position. If you keep this in mind, you’ll be more confident. And that will get you one step closer to getting that “yes”.

Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

AUTOMATIC WRITING

http://www.healingfromwithin.com/Articles/Automatic_Writing/automatic_writing.html

     The following exercise is a simple way to develop intuition, access inner guidance, and unblock creativity.

     1. Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.

     2. Have a pen and pad of paper ready then settle into a comfortable sitting position.

     3. At the top of a piece of paper write what you would like guidance on. Decide whether you would like general guidance or guidance on a specific question. It helps to date this especially if you are keeping a journal.

     4. Take a few moments to center yourself. Tune into your breathing and take a few slow, deep breaths. Allow your breathing to relax your mind and body. Then ground yourself. Feel the ground beneath you. Imagine that you run a grounding cord from the base of your spine down to the center of the earth. Then feel the energy of the earth come up through the base of your spine, up through your entire body, and out through the top of your head, connecting with the universe above. Now imagine that a golden light comes down from above and enters your body through your crown, at the top of your head. Imagine this light flowing down the center of your body, then out through the base of your spine, extending down to the center of the earth and anchoring you to the earth below.

     5. Next ask for the highest guidance possible. When you feel ready pick up your pen and write whatever comes to you without stopping. Do not judge, analyze or evaluate what you have written even if it does not answer your question. Write until your hand is done. When you are finished, read what you wrote.

Have a Blessed Weeekend
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

3 Reasons Why Change Is Good

http://blog.beliefnet.com/inspirationreport/2011/08/3-reasons-why-change-is-good.html

By: Jennifer E. Jones

I have a love/hate relationship with change. If things stay too stagnant for too long, I get terribly bored. When too many things change all at once, I find myself desperately seeking comfort.

Recently, my life has seen a lot of change, and it’s mostly been positive. I am genuinely happy about it all. Yet, I found myself building a fort out of my living room furniture in silly efforts to feel like I’m 10 years old again. When I was still using the fort days later, I knew, perhaps, I was feeling a bit unsettled.

Have you felt that way? Like your life is a carousel that’s spinning  and you just want to get off? Believe it or not, change is good for you. Here are a few reasons why.

1). Changes makes you flexible. Being stubborn and resistant to new things will make a normally stressing situation even more so. Change helps you be fluid and go with the flow.

2). Change makes you smarter. If things never changed, you’d never learn anything new. And every time you learn a new skill — even if it’s just how to adapt — you are that much smarter than you were yesterday.

3). Change reminds us that anything is possible. It’s easy to think that anything that’s stuck will always be that way (i.e., the career that won’t lift off the ground or the marriage that’s coasting on neutral). But when you see things change, whether it’s in your life or someone else’s, it’s encouragement to know that nothing stays the same forever.

Have a Blessed Weekend
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

An Energizing List Of Positive Words

http://www.the-benefits-of-positive-thinking.com/list-of-positive-words.html

As you become more aware of your thoughts, actions and words, it gets easier and easier to spot the negativity that you inadvertently put out.

You then start choosing those thoughts, actions and words which leave you feeling good towards yourself and others.

Some people do not realize the words they use and how these words affect them.

An example that always called my attention is the typical British response to “How are you?”: most people I have met reply “Not too bad, thanks”.

I thought, “Not too bad? Then there’s some degree of ‘badness’? Why not say ‘I’m marvellous, thanks’ instead?”

When I started to become aware of the words I used, I consciously chose to use positive words more often. The books I was reading at the time offered me a number of positive words that I included in my vocabulary.

I have compiled a list of positive words for you which offers you a large range of words beyond the classical “good”, “great” and “positive”.

Here are a few suggestions as to how and when to use any of the words you will find in the list of positive words below:

You can copy and paste this list in a word or excel document, number the words, and print the list.

You can then paste it on a wall at home or at work, and randomly choose a number and look up the word to use that positive word throughout the day.

You can sharpen your affirmations and give them an even more personal touch by including relevant positive words.

For instance, you could transform “There is an abundance of resources available to me” to “There is a limitless abundance of convenient resources available to me”.

You can record the positive words of your choice with your own voice and play the recording in the morning as soon as you get up, so as to start the day motivated and inspired.

You could even use the format “I am…” and add the words you choose – an excellent way to fill yourself with positive energy.

A comprehensive list of positive words

Abundant

Accomplished

Achieving

Active

Admirable

Adorable

Adventurous

Admired

Affluent

Agreeable

Alert

Aligned

Alive

Amazing

Appealing

Appreciate

Artistic

Astounding

Astute

Attentive

Attractive

Auspicious

Authentic

Awake

Aware

Beaming

Beautiful

Best

Blessed

Bliss

Bold

Bright

Brilliant

Brisk

Buoyant

Calm

Capable

Centered

Certain

Charming

Cheerful

Clear

Clever

Competent

Complete

Confident

Connected

Conscious

Considerate

Convenient

Courageous

Creative

Daring

Dazzling

Delicious

Delightful

Desirable

Determined

Diligent

Discerning

Discover

Dynamic

Eager

Easy

Efficient

Effortless

Elegant

Eloquent

Energetic

Endless

Enhancing

Engaging

Enormous

Enterprising

Enthusiastic

Enticing

Excellent

Exceptional

Exciting

Experienced

Exquisite

Fabulous

Fair

Far-Sighted

Fascinating

Fine

Flattering

Flourishing

Fortunate

Free

Friendly

Fulfilled

Fun

Generous

Genuine

Gifted

Glorious

Glowing

Good

Good-Looking

Gorgeous

Graceful

Gracious

Grand

Great

Handsome

Happy

Hardy

Harmonious

Healed

Healthy

Helpful

Honest

Humorous

Ideal

Imaginative

Impressive

Industrious

Ingenious

Innovative

Inspired

Intelligent

Interested

Interesting

Intuitive

Inventive

Invincible

Inviting

Irresistible

Joyous

Judicious

Keen

Kind

Knowing

Limitless

Lively

Loving

Lucky

Luminous

Magical

Magnificent

Marvellous

Masterful

Mighty

Miraculous

Motivated

Natural

Neat

Nice

Nurturing

Noble

Optimistic

Outstanding

Passionate

Peaceful

Perfect

Persevering

Persistent

Playful

Pleasing

Plentiful

Positive

Powerful

Precious

Prepared

Productive

Profound

Prompt

Prosperous

Proud

Qualified

Quick

Radiant

Reasonable

Refined

Refreshing

Relaxing

Reliable

Remarkable

Resolute

Resourceful

Respected

Rewarding

Robust

Safe

Satisfied

Secure

Seductive

Self-Reliant

Sensational

Sensible

Sensitive

Serene

Sharing

Skilful

Smart

Smashing

Smooth

Sparkling

Spiritual

Splendid

Strong

Stunning

Successful

Superb

Swift

Talented

Tenacious

Terrific

Thankful

Thrilling

Thriving

Timely

Trusting

Truthful

Ultimate

Unique

Valiant

Valuable

Versatile

Vibrant

Victorious

Vigorous

Vivacious

Vivid

Warm

Wealthy

Well

Whole

Wise

Wonderful

Worthy

Young

Youthful

Zeal

Zest

Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

51 THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/51-things-that-will-make-you-smile/

By: Lori Deschene

Some days, it’s easy to smile. You wake up to the sounds of birds chirping, with the warm glow of the morning sun cradling your face. You take several deep, cleansing breaths standing beneath a perfectly cascading shower, just before drawing a smiley face on the steamed-up glass with your index finger.

Your roommate or significant other makes your coffee, just the way you like it. You hit every traffic light. You sing to your favorite tunes. And you arrive at work refreshed, excited, and anxious to create and collaborate.

But not every day starts this way. Sometimes you wake up to chaos, in your head or in the world around you. You hit snags, and bumps, and roadblocks at every turn. You try too hard, or don’t try enough, and things fall apart, or things fall short.

You struggle, you fight yourself and other people, and you find yourself wishing you could stop the world so you could get off for a while.

But there is an alternative. When things go wrong, you can fall down or look up. You can shut down or wake up, all over again, starting from right where you stand. You can accept that the days won’t always look bright, but commit to finding something worth smiling about. Not sure what that might be? No worries, friends! I have a few ideas….

1. Call a friend who knows how to laugh at herself to remember what it’s like not to take yourself too seriously.

2. Ask a friend to come over and make you smile. It’s really simple and obvious, I know, but sometimes we forget to just ask for what we need.

3. Read a letter, card, or email from someone who thought of you when you were going through a hard time.

4. Search your deleted email folder for “thank you.” You probably made a huge difference in someone’s life recently—remember that now!

5. Text a friend, “What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard today?”

6. Text your significant other with a silly picture of you and ask for one in return.

7. Ask your significant other to make you breakfast in bed—and to be creative with it. (I have no idea what that could mean, but just seeing the thought s/he puts into it will likely make it extra fun).

8. Post on your Facebook page, “What made you smile today?” (Like I often do on the Tiny Buddha Facebook page!)

9. Tell a child in your life that you need a hug. Just try to stay stoic when she throws her little arms around your neck and sings “The Sun Will Come out Tomorrow.”

10. Alternatively, ask that child to draw a picture of you and him or her together.

11. Take a break to enjoy a simple pleasure that you often multitask—like a cup of flavored coffee, or a favorite snack.

12. Rearrange your furniture. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do this, and I also really enjoy the novelty of creating a space with a different feel.

13. Give your cat a ball of yarn or give your dog a wrapped gift and watch him try to open it. Pets playing = instant smile, at least, for me!

14. Go out and invest in a hula hoop. It’s nearly impossible to stay glum when you get moving like you haven’t since you were a kid. (Alternative option: jump around on a trampoline and just try to not smile!)

15. For the ladies: paint your toe nails a bright color that you wouldn’t usually pick.

16. Ask a child in your life to do your hair. Seeing yourself with massive 80s bangs (ladies) or a Mohawk-inspired look (men) is sure to get you laughing!

17. Blast your favorite music and dance around with absolutely no regard for rhythm or appearance.

18. Bake something that has a silly face on it. Really—this is a valid suggestion!

19. Eat food that requires you to use your hands, and get messy—and then really get messy. Get rib sauce all over your face and just go with it.

20. Make some type of arts and crafts project, just like you would have as a kid, with plans to give it to someone else. (Two-part smile: when you see the ridiculous thing you made, and when you see your friend’s face after receiving it).

21. Make a snack you loved as a kid. Maybe it’s peanut butter and banana sandwiches, or a sundae with gummy bears on it.

22. Watch a movie or cartoon from your childhood. (Smurfs always do it for me, especially when I remember how my mother called them devil worshipers because Papa Smurf did magic.)

23. Write a hand-written letter to someone you love, using different colored pens.

24. Look at pictures from your childhood. I can’t help but smile when I see the ridiculously thick bangs my mother gave me (translate: the front of a mullet).

25. Pop in the video/DVD from your child’s last recital—or your childhood recital.

26. Call your oldest friend, start a conversation with, “’Member when we…,” and end it with, “That was awesome, huh?”

27. Do an updated version of that awesome thing, right now. Really—grab your markers, or your bike, or your flashlight, or you video camera, and have a childlike adventure.

28. Make a magazine collage of things that always make you smile. Consider it a mini vision board for moments you’d like to create soon.

29. Dress up in clothes you love, just to run a simple errand. When you like how you look, you generally feel good.

30. Wear bright colored socks. If your pants are long, wear a different color on each foot. It’s like a little private joke that only you and your feet know about.

31. Make a beeline to your favorite spot, whether it’s a beach, bike trail, or mall. (No judgment—it’s your favorite spot.)

32. Make time to see the sunrise or sunset, and make it an occasion. Invite a friend and bring wine and a picnic basket. Make a memory, and make it beautiful.

33. Walk by your neighborhood park and soak in the innocence, excitement, and wonder.

34. Grab your camera and go outside with a mission to capture things that make you happy.

35. Make a list of all the amazing things you’ve accomplished and experienced this year, and then bask in the beauty of it all.

36. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Say all the things that might make you feel kind of vulnerable, and then think about how special you just made them feel.

37. Help a neighbor with something, whether it’s pulling weeds from a woman’s garden or running an errand for an elderly man who no longer drives. Two part happiness—forgetting about your own problems, and showing someone that neighborly kindness is not a thing of the past.

38. Ask a friend to tell you what’s new with his or her passion project. Same idea: forget about yourself for a while and watch someone else light up.

39. Commit a random act of kindness and tell that person to pass it on.

40. People-watch with a dialogue-writing slant. As in, find two people sitting across the street and make up a ridiculous conversation in your head that they could be having. I know, it sounds silly, and it is. But it always makes me laugh! (I got this from the movie Date Night, in case it sounds familiar.)

41. Visit a positive news site. (There are tons of them.)

42. Elf yourself or a friend. (I know this one’s seasonal, but it’s funny year-found!)

43. Spend some time exploring 1000 Awesome Things.

44. Make your own list of awesome things.

45. Use the search functionality on Twitter and look for “happy” or “smile.”

46. Create a gratitude list for the day, including the smallest details (a fluffy pillow) and the biggest things (your health and your family).

47. Take a run around your block. Trigger some endorphins, whittle your waist line, and remember that the world is so much bigger and greater than it seems when sadness closes you down.

48. Laugh out loud. Seriously, just choose to laugh and keep going. (They actually offer laughter yoga and laughter meditation, if you’re interested in checking them out.)

49. Hum your favorite song. Humming has all kinds of benefits—it’s soothing, it centers you, and also calms your nervous system.

50. Make a new friend, in person or by commenting on a blog. Like this one. =)

51. And lastly…watch an uplifting video, like Tiny Buddha’s first YouTube video. I asked readers to submit footage of the things that make them smile, and the end result definitely put a smile on my face:  Video

Have a Blessed Week
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

How to Handle Jealousy

http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Jealousy

Edited by: Christine Godwin

Many different people feel jealous from time to time. Jealousy is easy to deal with, once you understand what it’s teaching you. Here are some pointers on working through your emotions and feelings of jealousy.

Steps

1             Understand the emotions. Jealousy is a combination of fear and anger: fear of losing something and anger that someone is “moving in on” something that you feel belongs only to you.

2             Allow yourself to actually ‘feel’ emotions in a healthy way. When you start feeling jealous, ask yourself: Is it more fear-based or more anger-based, and why? Recognize which part of your body is being affected. If you feel a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, it’s probably fear. If you feel a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw, then you’re likely feeling anger. You might also feel a combination of those sensations. You should just show non-jealous feelings on your face so you don’t became hated.

3             Communicate your feelings. Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Use “I” instead of “you.” Instead of saying, “You shouldn’t have done that,” say, “I felt terrible when that happened.”

4             Identify what your jealousy is teaching you. Jealousy can alert you to what you want and what is important to you. If you’re jealous of someone talking to a friend of yours, personal relationships may be important to you. If you’re jealous about money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself, “Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?” When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.

5             Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy. There are often false beliefs that underlie jealousy and fuel emotion. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs are “Everyone is out to get my money” or “If this person leaves me, I won’t have any friends.” Beliefs are changeable. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger, the jealousy, and the fear will disappear. Don’t listen to people who make you jealous.

6             Make a list of all your good points and only compare yourself to yourself rather than to others. Raise your sense of self worth and self confidence by acknowledging your accomplishments, inner qualities and other good things about you. One way to change your belief system and inner dialogue, is to journal on a daily basis supportive messages to yourself. In time, your efforts will begin to sink into your subconscious. And as a result, you’ll develop new inner strengths, diminish any envious feelings, and feel more joy within and in life.

7             Work on your self esteem. If you have more confidence in yourself you will be less likely to allow jealousy to have power over you.

8             Fake it. Portray a non-jealous facade while you work on overcoming jealousy. Eventually, working your way through your feelings, the facade will become real, but in the meantime you will protect yourself from appearing jealous to others.

Tips

Jealousy is not the same thing as love. Sometimes, people think that by feeling jealous about someone, they are loving them by envying the things they have. Jealousy is not love; it’s the fear and anger of losing out. Jealousy disappears when you fully understand that to covet someone or something else that does not belong to you is a misjudgement and more than likely a distortion.

Learn to be happy with yourself and what you have, unless what you lack is due to oppression, and if that is the case, if you have the ability to stick up for yourself and cause changes that will benefit everyone in your situation, including yourself.

Everyone is different, and each person has good and bad qualities. Realize that you have the potential to create a better future.

Try to talk about your problems with someone. Perhaps you feel that these jealous tendencies are a private matter; then, you ought to anonymously ask an advice column or similar construct about your problem.

Irrational jealousy usually stems from indoctrinated social values which do not favor people such as yourself. Both you and society may hold such values. Of course, its easier to challenge your own values than that of others, start here first. Often, American psychology purposely confuses the concept that one has low self-esteem when the truth is, external influences, such as the media, cause degraded and distorted social values, not internalized deficiencies. Self-esteem is a concept invented to blame the victim, when the reality is the victim is being punished for not towing the line to the wants which are constantly being spewed from things like popular media and traditional means of social control. Reject these glorified values and be yourself and be proud to be different.

Realize that it is very often your own viewpoint is distorting reality. The grass is always greener and often the mind singles out a distorted piece of the whole which you want, but conveniently ignores negative aspects which come packaged with the positive. When you are jealous, you may think, “I want that; it would be nice to have that thing or experience for myself” However, people are different and the other person may be suffering unknowingly or in ways you cannot foresee or comprehend. Trade your anger for curiosity, try to get the bigger picture before making rash judgments.

Warnings

If jealousy in your relationship is leading to control or power struggles, it’s a sign that there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed to your partner.

Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

Tapping Into Full Moon Energy

http://www.mediumreadings.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=44:full-moon&catid=38:metaphysics&Itemid=88

By: Lynda Forman

 The Earth is comprised of 75% water, but what many people forget is that their bodies are also comprised of 75% water. This may seem coincidental to some, but this connection is something to be explored in your daily life. Each day, the moon’s gravity pulls the oceans back and forth, helping to create tides that fall on the shore and to pull the water back out. The moon helps to move the waters of the world, but many feel the tides of their own lives as well. Since we can not help but be affected by the world around us, tapping into the full moon energy is a way to celebrate this connection and bring ourselves more fully into our lives.

 Full Moon Calendar – http://moonphases.info/full_moon_calendar_dates.html

 

 The Fullness of the Moon

  When the moon is full in the sky, it’s a time when the brightness of the Sun is not obscured by the Earth’s shadow. Over the course of a month, the moon’s glow grows larger and larger until it reaches its complete fullness. Think about this for a moment, isn’t life the same way? We have goals we seek to achieve and we slowly build up the resources and the energy to bring them to fruition. When they are fully realized, we can look upon our successes with admiration – and we can celebrate the new fullness of our own lives.

How to Bring Full Moon Energy into Your Life

 Each month, the moon changes, and so do you. While the changes are subtle at first, it’s eventually clear that you are different than you were at the start of the month. You might have the same job, the same family, and the same bank account, but you change, even when you don’t realize it.

 During the time when the moon’s energy is high, this is a time when the energy is right for learning what you might accomplish next, what direction you might need to take. With the energy being high, you may want to:

 Listen to your dreams – Dreams during the time of the full moon can be powerful and filled with messages. Write down your dreams in the morning, before you get out of bed to see what you might learn about your life.

Think about what you want – In this time of fullness, consider all of the things you still want in your life. What do you want to bring into fullness?

Notice the changes in your life – This is a good time to also notice the changes in your life. What has shifted? What has been altered?

 By looking at your life like a continuous cycle of tides, you can begin to change the way that these changes feel when they’re happening. No longer are changes scary since each ebb returns to flow, and each flow returns to ebb – waxing and waning over and over.

The Full Moon: A Time for Gratitude

 The fullness of the moon is a time of remembering all that you have in your life. Take some time to sit with yourself, possibly in the moonlight, to consider the riches you have. In days when it seems you can never have enough, recognizing and acknowledging what you do have can be a powerful experience.

Make a list of things for which you are grateful – Stop during the full moon to take an inventory of the things in your life that make you feel full and happy.

Give thanks to yourself for change – Allow yourself to be grateful for the things that have changed, whether positive or negative.

During the full moon, you have an opportunity to realize how full your life is and how much fuller it can become. It’s the natural cycle of life and one that can be celebrated.

Have a Blessed Week
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

Why do people judge others

http://www.positivearticles.com/Article/Why-do-people-judge-others/51958

By: M. Farouk Radwan

One of the most popular causes for lack of self confident is becoming one hundred percent dependent on others to feel confident and worthy.

The problem with that approach is that if people judged you in bad way you will feel bad and sometimes worthless.

There is no doubt that in order to become really confident you shouldn’t pay attention to what people say about you especially the ones who don’t know you well.

For such an advice its easier to talk than to apply it because even if you tried not to care about the opinion of others you will still feel bad when they judge you.

The only solution to setting yourself free from the unfair judgment of others is to understand why do people judge others and how their judgment is formed. Once you know how the process works you won’t get affected at all if someone judged you.

The psychology of judging others

You might be thinking that its too selfish not to listen to others or to consider their opinion to be worthy but after you know the following facts you will change your mind.

•              The human mind was designed to fill gaps, we assume the intentions of other people when we have missing information and this leads to incorrect judgment most of the time

•              Our past influence the way we judge people, for example if a woman was betrayed by a man she might assume that any man who acts in a suspicious way is a cheater

•              We relate people’s looks to their personality. If you met an arrogant person in the past then saw someone who looks like him you will assume that they both have the same personality

•              We believe that others are like us, if someone lies all the time he will find it hard to believe others because he will think that everybody are liars

•              Our beliefs affects our judgment, if someone thinks that all rich people are thieves then he will think that you are a thief the moment he sees your expensive car

•              Stereotyping highly affects people’s judgments, anybody who has certain stereotypes defined in his brain might judge someone incorrectly, almost everyone developed some stereo types as the result of being exposed to the media.

In short, most people will judge you incorrectly and if you want to feel confident all the time then you should put no weight to their judgment unless they are really rational people.

Who can judge you accurately?

If a friend spent 10 years with you, won’t he be more likely to judge you correctly? (provided that he doesn’t have any judgment bias)

Of course he will be able to judge you better than someone who has just met you.

Now the question you should ask yourself is, who is the person who spent the most time with you?

Is he your father?

Your best friend?

Your partner?

No!!

Its you!!

You are the only one who have been with you since the beginning. In addition, you are the only one who have full access to your intention, your beliefs, your core values and dreams thus you are the only one who can judge himself.

Learn why do people judge others and why you shouldn’t feel bad when being judged

Have a Blessed Weekend
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

Stress Relievers: 25 Ways to Reduce Stress

http://stress.about.com/od/tensiontamers/a/stressrelievers.htm

By: Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide

We all experience stress from time to time. When stress gets to be too much, it can take a toll on our health and wellbeing. That’s why effective stress relievers are essential in restoring inner peace and physical health. Here is a growing list of stress relievers that can help you feel less affected by stress in your life.

1.  Guided Imagery

Practicing guided imagery is a fun and simple way to take a break from stress, clarify what you want, and build optimism. It’s a relatively quick pathway to mental peace.

2.  Self-Hypnosis

Self-hypnosis provides a simple and relaxing route to changing habits, relaxing your body, altering your thought patterns, and more. Because all of these can be stress relievers, self-hypnosis is well worth the effort.

3.  Autogenic

Autogenic allows you to change your physiology with your mind, and reverse your stress response easily.

4.  Journaling

Journaling can be used in several different ways, all of which can relieve stress. Because journaling is proven by research to bring several health benefits in addition to stress relief, this stress reliever is highly recommended.

5.  Meditation

Meditation brings short-term stress relief as well as lasting stress management benefits. There are many different forms of meditation to try–each one is unique and brings its own appeal.

6.  PMR

Progressive muscle relaxation, or PMR, is a technique that allows you to relax all of the muscles in your body, group by group. Beginning sessions take several minutes, and allow you to feel physically and emotionally relaxed when done. With practice, you can achieve full-body relaxation within seconds.

7.  Yoga

Yoga incorporates breathing exercises, meditation, and light exercise. One session brings initial stress relief, and continued practice brings greater resilience to stress. It’s one of the more potent stress relievers.

8.  Breathing

Breathing exercises provide convenient and simple stress relief in that they can be used anytime, anywhere, and they work quickly.

9.  Playing Games

Enjoying a good game with a group of friends, or playing something relaxing online can take your mind off of your stressors, and can lead to a more relaxed state. Games are stress relievers that work well because people enjoy them enough to use them regularly.

10.  Sex

Within a healthy relationship, sex can be a fantastic stress reliever, as it incorporates several other stress relief ingredients–breathing, touch, social connection, and a few others–and brings a rush of endorphins and other beneficial chemicals with orgasm. It’s another one of the more “fun” stress relievers that can also be quite effective.

11.  Laughter

The physical act of laughing releases tension and brings positive physiological changes. Finding ways to work more laughter into your day can be an effective route to stress relief.

12.  Biofeedback

While biofeedback requires some special equipment, this stress relief technique can allow you to become more aware of and consciously alter the physiological changes that come with stress. By using your mind to relax your body, you can relax your mind to a greater degree as well, creating a positive feedback loop.

13.  Music Therapy

Music can alter your physiology in ways that help you to relieve stress. It’s an enjoyable, passive route to stress relief. Formal music therapy sessions can help with a variety of stress-related issues.

14.  Take a Walk

Exercise is a fantastic stress reliever that can work in minutes. Taking a walk allows you to enjoy a change in scenery, which can get you into a different frame of mind, and brings the benefits of exercise as well. Learn about the other benefits of walking as a stress reliever.

15.  Plant a Garden

Getting outside and enjoying the scenery is just one of the ways that gardening can contribute to stress relief. Read about the other stress reliever benefits of planting a garden.

16.  Time Management

Honing your time management skills can allow you to minimize the stressors that you experience, and better manage the ones you can’t avoid. When you are able to complete everything on your “to do” list without the stress of rushing or forgetting, your whole life feels easier.

17.  Listen To Music

Finding a music therapist isn’t the only way music can help as a stress reliever. Creating playlists for various moods (a cathartic mix for when you want to process feelings, an upbeat mix for when you need more energy, etc.) can help you to relieve stress passively, enjoyably, and conveniently.

18.  Eat a Balanced Diet

A poor diet can bring greater reactivity toward stress. A healthy diet can bring greater physical and emotional wellness. Find some simple go-to meals and snacks, and feel less stressed in your daily life.

19.  Learn Assertive Communication Skills

Relationships can be great stress relievers. Knowing how to keep your relationships healthy through effective communication is one of the best investments of time and energy for stress relief.

20.  Enjoy Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy has proven benefits for stress relief–it can help you to become energized, more relaxed, or more present.

21.  Reduce Caffeine Intake

Consuming caffeine too late in the day can affect sleep quality, which impacts stress levels. Consuming too much caffeine in general can make you more emotionally reactive to stress. Learn how much caffeine is too much.

22.  Drink in Moderation

Speaking of knowing limits, maintaining careful limits with alcohol is particularly important. One glass of red wine at the end of the day can bring relaxation, but too much alcohol can obviously bring a host of other problems.

23.  Don’t Procrastinate

Putting off a stressful or labor-intensive project can only increase the stress you experience. Learn how to stop procrastination can allow you to get done what you need to do, without the added stress of rushing for a deadline.

24.  Drink Green Tea

Sitting with a glass of green tea and planning for the day ahead, or reflecting on the day behind (remember–decaf at night!) can provide you with a nice break and a taste of peace. You’ll experience the health benefits of green tea as well.

25.  Sign Up For The Free Weekly Newsletter For Ongoing Stress Relief Support!

Receive two newsletters twice a week on stress and stress relief, and find simple and effective ways to relieve stress at a pace you can handle easily. You’ll also stay up-to-date on stress research, find ways to connect with other readers, and get stress management information on topics that matter most to you.

If you’d like even more ideas for stress relievers, visit this list of 25 More Stress Relievers To Try!

Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

Being in a Relationship…With Yourself

http://rachelrabbitwhite.com/being-in-a-relationship-with-yourself/

By: Rachel R. White

Once I was silently riding an elevator with a friend when I realized in the last few quiet moments, I had been glowing, feeling ecstatic. It was one of those times where you know you were thinking something really good that felt just delightful but then it slips away and you are left going, “wait, what was I just thinking? Come back, I liked that!” The feeling that passed was juicy, kind of like when you reeeally like someone. “Who do I like?” I asked my friend. Who was it I was thinking of? Then it hit me…the person I was thinking I had a crush on was me! I was feeling happy and gushy about myself.

It is one thing to feel good about yourself in moments, but it is quite another to take that fleeting crush and make it in to a long-term relationship. When faced with the idea of being in a relationship with myself years ago I would’ve felt depressed. While I could feel a shallow infatuation with myself in moments, even I didn’t want to be in a relationship with me.

The writer, Sark in her book Prosperity Pie asks, “what if when someone asks you if you are dating anyone, you respond ‘well I am really involved in loving myself right now.’” Here are some of my tips:

Self-Love

Falling in Love with Yourself

Get to really know yourself: Try to be present to your experiences. What are you thinking and feeling? This one is especially hard as it seems the reasons we don’t like ourselves is often because we don’t like being in ourselves – being present to the now and what we are thinking and feeling. Try to just stay aware and experience your feelings, even if it is unpleasant.

Learn what your likes and dislikes are. It can be as simple as “I did not care for this movie” or “I like this summer rain.” Finding what your preferences are and stating them can feel empowering.

Respect and listen to your emotions. We all have parts we’d rather not listen to…inner critic anyone? Yet even with that inner critic you can thank it for it’s input and move on. Your parts are all there for a purpose, you can also ask yourself, what would this part rather be doing?

Nurture your Inner Children.

For me, connecting with my inner children is where I began to learn empathy and gentleness toward myself which I think are the two most key-factors in having a relationship with yourself. I had spent much of my life pushing these inner children away, I had to really work on making a relationship with them. I connected with my inner children through meeting them in meditation, writing them letters and emotionally checking in with them. When you are caring for your inner children as well as yourself, it becomes easier to be gentle with your adult-self. For instance, I could work all day without getting exercise or going outside, but I don’t want my inner 5-year-old stuck at the computer all day, so I try to take walks.

Finding your core-self.

This is your wise self, and everyone has a wise self. The way that I get in touch with this part is to close my eyes and let my thoughts drift past, as in a meditative state and work on connecting to myself, to what I am feeling. After awhile there is a strong feeling that comes from within, a part that feels as though it is waiting to be discovered. A fabulous secret about this part is that once you find it,  you can ask it questions and feel the answers coming up from within.

Being in a Relationship with Yourself

Gentleness is key. Become sensitive to what you are feeling, do what feels good for you. Don’t compromise your comfort for other people.

Have Empathy: Have empathy for your past self, remember that you did the best you could at the time, and you survived. Begin to tell the story of your life to yourself with you as the hero or heroine.

You are a multi-faceted being and there will be multiple dimensions of self-acceptance. This is a long journey so be patient with yourself.

Check in with yourself multiple times during the day to see how you are feeling.

Create Boundaries: Explore what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with. Notice when you are feeling uncomfortable. Work towards creating boundaries with those around you.

Observe how you are in situations, are you responding  or reacting unconsciously? Do you know when you are reacting? Work on not simply reacting. Become curious to your reactions as well as emotions.

Respect Yourself:  Kens Ray recently wrote about this. In this post he finds that when he does not respect his home, leaving it messy, guests and family are more likely to leave messes too, but if he keeps his house neat, they will pick up after themselves. Self respect works the same way, if you respect yourself you will receive a lot more respect.

Romance Yourself

Indulge in a date with yourself. Do whatever you enjoy. For me this may mean buying magazines and flipping through them while listening to my favorite albums or watching movies I want to see while sipping pretty drinks. Whatever the feel-good activity is for you, do a lot of that.

Make your masturbation joyful, sensuous and celebratory!

Make a list of all the things you like about yourself, this comes in  handy in moments of self-doubt

Take photos of yourself. Just as you would snap memories with a new beau or a friend, take photos of and for yourself.

Be generous with your time. Don’t scold yourself for spending hours in the bath or curled up reading. Give yourself some downtime.

Have a good long journaling session about your dreams, your goals, who you want to be. Ask yourself the big questions you would ask a significant other.

Have an adventure with yourself! Adventures come in all sizes, from walking to the nearest park to swing or going out for ice cream or taking a trip on the train to anywhere-just you and your luggage.

If you have a good relationship with yourself, it is highly likely that you’ll have good relationships with other people. We like being around positive people that like themselves — think about it, no one wants to hang out with your inner critic! It should also be said that you should surround yourself with people who mirror this positive image of you.

I think we sometimes write off self-love as something cliche or something that is selfish… but neither could be further from the truth. Self love takes an incredible amount of bravery and is an extremely virtuous endeavor.

Remember, the good news is that the capacity for self love and a self-relationship is already within you, you just have to find that spark and grow it.

Happy Happy Easter
Love & Light
Karen
The Spirit Way 

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