Edited by: Christine Godwin
Many different people feel jealous from time to time. Jealousy is easy to deal with, once you understand what it’s teaching you. Here are some pointers on working through your emotions and feelings of jealousy.
1 Understand the emotions. Jealousy is a combination of fear and anger: fear of losing something and anger that someone is “moving in on” something that you feel belongs only to you.
2 Allow yourself to actually ‘feel’ emotions in a healthy way. When you start feeling jealous, ask yourself: Is it more fear-based or more anger-based, and why? Recognize which part of your body is being affected. If you feel a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, it’s probably fear. If you feel a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw, then you’re likely feeling anger. You might also feel a combination of those sensations. You should just show non-jealous feelings on your face so you don’t became hated.
3 Communicate your feelings. Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Use “I” instead of “you.” Instead of saying, “You shouldn’t have done that,” say, “I felt terrible when that happened.”
4 Identify what your jealousy is teaching you. Jealousy can alert you to what you want and what is important to you. If you’re jealous of someone talking to a friend of yours, personal relationships may be important to you. If you’re jealous about money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself, “Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?” When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.
5 Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy. There are often false beliefs that underlie jealousy and fuel emotion. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs are “Everyone is out to get my money” or “If this person leaves me, I won’t have any friends.” Beliefs are changeable. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger, the jealousy, and the fear will disappear. Don’t listen to people who make you jealous.
6 Make a list of all your good points and only compare yourself to yourself rather than to others. Raise your sense of self worth and self confidence by acknowledging your accomplishments, inner qualities and other good things about you. One way to change your belief system and inner dialogue, is to journal on a daily basis supportive messages to yourself. In time, your efforts will begin to sink into your subconscious. And as a result, you’ll develop new inner strengths, diminish any envious feelings, and feel more joy within and in life.
7 Work on your self esteem. If you have more confidence in yourself you will be less likely to allow jealousy to have power over you.
8 Fake it. Portray a non-jealous facade while you work on overcoming jealousy. Eventually, working your way through your feelings, the facade will become real, but in the meantime you will protect yourself from appearing jealous to others.
Jealousy is not the same thing as love. Sometimes, people think that by feeling jealous about someone, they are loving them by envying the things they have. Jealousy is not love; it’s the fear and anger of losing out. Jealousy disappears when you fully understand that to covet someone or something else that does not belong to you is a misjudgement and more than likely a distortion.
Learn to be happy with yourself and what you have, unless what you lack is due to oppression, and if that is the case, if you have the ability to stick up for yourself and cause changes that will benefit everyone in your situation, including yourself.
Everyone is different, and each person has good and bad qualities. Realize that you have the potential to create a better future.
Try to talk about your problems with someone. Perhaps you feel that these jealous tendencies are a private matter; then, you ought to anonymously ask an advice column or similar construct about your problem.
Irrational jealousy usually stems from indoctrinated social values which do not favor people such as yourself. Both you and society may hold such values. Of course, its easier to challenge your own values than that of others, start here first. Often, American psychology purposely confuses the concept that one has low self-esteem when the truth is, external influences, such as the media, cause degraded and distorted social values, not internalized deficiencies. Self-esteem is a concept invented to blame the victim, when the reality is the victim is being punished for not towing the line to the wants which are constantly being spewed from things like popular media and traditional means of social control. Reject these glorified values and be yourself and be proud to be different.
Realize that it is very often your own viewpoint is distorting reality. The grass is always greener and often the mind singles out a distorted piece of the whole which you want, but conveniently ignores negative aspects which come packaged with the positive. When you are jealous, you may think, “I want that; it would be nice to have that thing or experience for myself” However, people are different and the other person may be suffering unknowingly or in ways you cannot foresee or comprehend. Trade your anger for curiosity, try to get the bigger picture before making rash judgments.
If jealousy in your relationship is leading to control or power struggles, it’s a sign that there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed to your partner.
Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
The Spirit Way
By: Lynda Forman
The Earth is comprised of 75% water, but what many people forget is that their bodies are also comprised of 75% water. This may seem coincidental to some, but this connection is something to be explored in your daily life. Each day, the moon’s gravity pulls the oceans back and forth, helping to create tides that fall on the shore and to pull the water back out. The moon helps to move the waters of the world, but many feel the tides of their own lives as well. Since we can not help but be affected by the world around us, tapping into the full moon energy is a way to celebrate this connection and bring ourselves more fully into our lives.
Full Moon Calendar – http://moonphases.info/full_moon_calendar_dates.html
The Fullness of the Moon
When the moon is full in the sky, it’s a time when the brightness of the Sun is not obscured by the Earth’s shadow. Over the course of a month, the moon’s glow grows larger and larger until it reaches its complete fullness. Think about this for a moment, isn’t life the same way? We have goals we seek to achieve and we slowly build up the resources and the energy to bring them to fruition. When they are fully realized, we can look upon our successes with admiration – and we can celebrate the new fullness of our own lives.
How to Bring Full Moon Energy into Your Life
Each month, the moon changes, and so do you. While the changes are subtle at first, it’s eventually clear that you are different than you were at the start of the month. You might have the same job, the same family, and the same bank account, but you change, even when you don’t realize it.
During the time when the moon’s energy is high, this is a time when the energy is right for learning what you might accomplish next, what direction you might need to take. With the energy being high, you may want to:
Listen to your dreams – Dreams during the time of the full moon can be powerful and filled with messages. Write down your dreams in the morning, before you get out of bed to see what you might learn about your life.
Think about what you want – In this time of fullness, consider all of the things you still want in your life. What do you want to bring into fullness?
Notice the changes in your life – This is a good time to also notice the changes in your life. What has shifted? What has been altered?
By looking at your life like a continuous cycle of tides, you can begin to change the way that these changes feel when they’re happening. No longer are changes scary since each ebb returns to flow, and each flow returns to ebb – waxing and waning over and over.
The Full Moon: A Time for Gratitude
The fullness of the moon is a time of remembering all that you have in your life. Take some time to sit with yourself, possibly in the moonlight, to consider the riches you have. In days when it seems you can never have enough, recognizing and acknowledging what you do have can be a powerful experience.
Make a list of things for which you are grateful – Stop during the full moon to take an inventory of the things in your life that make you feel full and happy.
Give thanks to yourself for change – Allow yourself to be grateful for the things that have changed, whether positive or negative.
During the full moon, you have an opportunity to realize how full your life is and how much fuller it can become. It’s the natural cycle of life and one that can be celebrated.
Have a Blessed Week
Love & Light
The Spirit Way
By Jackie Woods
Spiritual growth usually starts when a person realizes something more is needed in their life. If they don’t cover up that empty space inside by finding a new job, by pouring more of themselves into their relationships, or by going on an antidepressant, they will hopefully turn to spiritual growth.
For those who turn in the direction of spirituality, the path they choose is critical if they are to end up attaining the optimum goal of Oneness. While a person may be ready only for the first leg of their growth journey, it helps to have a map that has a complete description of where they are going. I am going to attempt to outline the four landmarks that show up on every spiritual growth map with the destination of Oneness.
The first landmark is reached by discovering you are not your wounds. While everyone has wounded thinking as well as wounded feelings that keep them from believing we are all equal and connected in the world of spirit, those wounds can be healed. It is during this first phase that personal growth becomes the focus.
Once your unconscious mind has available a greater percentage of spirit choices than wound choices, you are ready to move from self-awareness to group awareness. At this point on your spiritual growth journey, you begin to appreciate the exchange of heartful energies that others have to offer, as well as the lessons they activate in your life. This second landmark in your spiritual growth is reached when you begin seeking out others who also want to increase spirit consciousness.
Once your unconscious mind has available a greater percentage of spirit choices than wound choices, you are ready to move from self-awareness to group awareness. At this point on your spiritual growth journey, you begin to appreciate the exchange of heartfelt energies that others have to offer, as well as the lessons they activate in your life. This second landmark in your spiritual growth is reached when you begin seeking out others who also want to increase spirit consciousness.
This joining with others of a like mind catapults you into a new understanding of Oneness. You are now able to experience the sharing of spirit energies as more than a pleasant feeling or the gaining of a new truth. You now understand that the Oneness of spirit no longer belongs to individuals. It is the accumulated consciousness that we are all individualized facets of God, and it takes all of our spirits to make a whole. As you enter this third landmark, synergy becomes more than a concept. It becomes a way of life.
Landmark number four is called service. This level is reached when Oneness is no longer a goal but who you are. You no longer think or feel yourself separate from any of life. You will be so in love with the facet being offered by each person’s spirit that your selfish needs will be lost in the vastness of your cosmic awareness. Every part of your body, mind, and emotions will be filled with the desire to make this spirit of Oneness the prevailing consciousness on our planet. This doesn’t mean you will become a street corner evangelist, but it does mean that every aspect of your life will be done in service to the light of Oneness.
Your map may call these landmarks by different names, but all four must be shown, in order for it to be complete. Even though you cannot short-circuit any part of the map, you do get to decide on the speed of travel. You can take lifetimes, years, or months to complete each stage, but no landmark can be missed. You can choose your spiritual growth rate.
Have a Blessed Weekend
Love & Light
The Spirit Way
“Going green” doesn’t have to be a daunting task that means sweeping life changes. Simple things can make a difference.
The contents of this list might not be new, but they bear repeating. Sometimes it takes a few reminders for things take root.
1. CHANGE YOUR LIGHT
If every household in the United State replaced one regular lightbulb with one of those new compact fluorescent bulbs, the pollution reduction would be equivalent to removing one million cars from the road.
Don’t like the color of light? Use these bulbs for closets, laundry rooms and other places where it won’t irk you as much.
2. TURN OFF COMPUTERS AT NIGHT
By turning off your computer instead of leaving it in sleep mode, you can save 40 watt-hours per day. That adds up to 4 cents a day, or $14 per year. If you don’t want to wait for your computer to start up, set it to turn on automatically a few minutes before you get to work, or boot up while you’re pouring your morning cup ‘o joe.
3. DON’T RINSE
Skip rinsing dishes before using your dishwasher and save up to 20 gallons of water each load. Plus, you’re saving time and the energy used to heat the additional water.
4. DO NOT PRE-HEAT THE OVEN
Unless you are making bread or pastries of some sort, don’t pre-heat the oven. Just turn it on when you put the dish in. Also, when checking on your food, look through the oven window instead of opening the door.
5. RECYCLE GLASS
Recycled glass reduces related air pollution by 20 percent and related water pollution by 50 percent. If it isn’t recycled it can take a million years to decompose.
6. DIAPER WITH A CONSCIENCE
By the time a child is toilet trained, a parent will change between 5,000 and 8,000 diapers, adding up to approximately 3.5 million tons of waste in U.S. landfills each year. Whether you choose cloth or a more environmentally-friendly disposable, you’re making a choice that has a much gentler impact on our planet.
7. HANG DRY
Get a clothesline or rack to dry your clothes by the air. Your wardrobe will maintain color and fit, and you’ll save money.
Your favorite t-shirt will last longer too.
8. GO VEGETARIAN ONCE A WEEK
One less meat-based meal a week helps the planet and your diet. For example: It requires 2,500 gallons of water to produce one pound of beef. You will also also save some trees. For each hamburger that originated from animals raised on rainforest land, approximately 55 square feet of forest have been destroyed.
9. WASH IN COLD OR WARM
If all the households in the U.S. switched from hot-hot cycle to warm-cold, we could save the energy comparable to 100,000 barrels of oil a day.
Only launder when you have a full load.
10. USE ONE LESS PAPER NAPKIN
During an average year, an American uses approximately 2,200 napkins—around six each day. If everyone in the U.S. used one less napkin a day, more than a billion pounds of napkins could be saved from landfills each year.
11. USE BOTH SIDES OF PAPER
American businesses throw away 21 million tons of paper every year, equal to 175 pounds per office worker. For a quick and easy way to halve this, set your printer’s default option to print double-sided (duplex printing). And when you’re finished with your documents, don’t forget to take them to the recycling bin.
12. RECYCLE NEWSPAPER
There are 63 million newspapers printed each day in the U.S. Of these, 44 million, or about 69%, of them will be thrown away. Recycling just the Sunday papers would save more than half a million trees every week.
13. WRAP CREATIVELY
You can reuse gift bags, bows and event paper, but you can also make something unique by using old maps, cloth or even newspaper. Flip a paper grocery bag inside out and give your child stamps or markers to create their own wrapping paper that’s environmentally friendly and extra special for the recipient.
More ideas: HGTV, Martha, DIY Network
14. RETHINK BOTTLED WATER
Nearly 90% of plastic water bottles are not recycled, instead taking thousands of years to decompose. Buy a reusable container and fill it with tap water, a great choice for the environment, your wallet, and possibly your health. The EPA’s standards for tap water are more stringent than the FDA’s standards for bottled water.
15. BAN BATHTIME!
Have a no-bath week, and take showers instead. Baths require almost twice as much water. Not only will you reduce water consumption, but the energy costs associated with heating the water.
16. BRUSH WITHOUT RUNNING
You’ve heard this one before, but maybe you still do it. You’ll conserve up to five gallons per day if you stop. Daily savings in the U.S. alone could add up to 1.5 billion gallons–more water than folks use in the Big Apple.
17. SHOWER WITH YOUR PARTNER
Sneak in a shower with your loved one to start the day with some zest that doesn’t come in a bar. Not only have you made a wise choice for the environment, but you may notice some other added…um…benefits.
18. TAKE A SHORTER SHOWER
Every two minutes you save on your shower can conserve more than ten gallons of water. If everyone in the country saved just one gallon from their daily shower, over the course of the year it would equal twice the amount of freshwater withdrawn from the Great Lakes every day.
19. PLANT A TREE
It’s good for the air, the land, can shade your house and save on cooling (plant on the west side of your home), and they can also improve the value of your property.
Make it meaningful for the whole family and plant a tree every year for each member.
20. USE YOUR CRUISE CONTROL
You paid for those extra buttons in your car, so put them to work! When using cruise control your vehicle could get up to 15% better mileage. Considering today’s gasoline prices, this is a boon not only for the environment but your budget as well.
21. SECOND-HAND DOESN’T MEAN SECOND-BEST
Consider buying items from a second-hand store. Toys, bicycles, roller blades, and other age and size-specific items are quickly outgrown. Second hand stores often sell these items in excellent condition since they are used for such a short period of time, and will generally buy them back when you no longer need them.
22. BUY LOCAL
Consider the amount of pollution created to get your food from the farm to your table. Whenever possible, buy from local farmers or farmers’ markets, supporting your local economy and reducing the amount of greenhouse gas created when products are flown or trucked in.
23. ADJUST YOUR THERMOSTAT
Adjust your thermostat one degree higher in the summer and one degree cooler in the winter. Each degree celsius less will save about 10% on your energy use! In addition, invest in a programmable thermostat which allows you to regulate temperature based on the times you are at home or away.
24. INVEST IN YOUR OWN COFFEE CUP
If you start every morning with a steamy cup, a quick tabulation can show you that the waste is piling up. Invest in a reusable cup, which not only cuts down on waste, but keeps your beverage hot for a much longer time. Most coffee shops will happily fill your own cup, and many even offer you a discount in exchange!
25. BATCH ERRANDS
Feel like you spend your whole week trying to catch up with the errands? Take a few moments once a week to make a list of all the errands that need to get done, and see if you can batch them into one trip. Not only will you be saving gasoline, but you might find yourself with much better time-management skills.
26. TURN OFF LIGHTS
Always turn off incandescent bulbs when you leave a room. Fluorescent bulbs are more affected by the number of times it is switched on and off, so turn them off when you leave a room for 15 minutes or more. You’ll save energy on the bulb itself, but also on cooling costs, as lights contribute heat to a room.
27. GREENER LAWN CARE
If you must water your lawn, do it early in the morning before any moisture is lost to evaporation. Have a few weeds? Spot treat them with vinegar. Not sure if you should rake? Normal clippings act as a natural fertilizer, let them be. If you’ve waited too long, rake by hand — it’s excellent exercise.
28. PICNIC WITH A MARKER
Some time in between the artichoke dip and the coleslaw, you lost track of your cup, and now there are a sea of matching cups on the table, one of which might be yours. The next time you picnic, set out permanent marker next to disposable dinnerware so guests can mark their cup and everyone will only use one.
29. RECYCLE OLD CELL PHONES
The average cell phone lasts around 18 months, which means 130 million phones will be retired each year. If they go into landfills, the phones and their batteries introduce toxic substances into our environment. There are plenty of reputable programs where you can recycle your phone, many which benefit noble causes.
30. MAINTAIN YOUR VEHICLE
Not only are you extending the life of your vehicle, but you are creating less pollution and saving gas. A properly maintained vehicle, clean air filters, and inflated tires can greatly improve your vehicle’s performance. And it might not hurt to clean out the trunk—all that extra weight could be costing you at the pump.
31. RECYCLE UNWANTED WIRE HANGERS
Wire hangers are generally made of steel, which is often not accepted by some recycling programs. So what do you do with them? Most dry cleaners will accept them back to reuse or recycle. (Cue Joan Crawford.)
32. RECYCLE ALUMINUM AND GLASS
Twenty recycled aluminum cans can be made with the energy it takes to manufacture one brand new one.
Every ton of glass recycled saves the equivalent of nine gallons of fuel oil needed to make glass from virgin materials.
See if you can work out an arrangement with your employer that you work from home for some portion of the week. Not only will you save money and gasoline, and you get to work in your pajamas!
34. KEEP YOUR FIREPLACE DAMPER CLOSED
Keeping the damper open (when you’re not using your fireplace) is like keeping a 48-inch window wide open during the winter; it allows warm air to go right up the chimney. This can add up to hundreds of dollars each winter in energy loss.
35. CUT DOWN ON JUNK MAIL
Feel like you need to lose a few pounds? It might be your junk mail that’s weighing you down. The average American receives 40 pounds of junk mail each year, destroying 100 millions trees. There are many services that can help reduce the clutter in your mailbox, saving trees and the precious space on your countertops.
36. CHOOSE MATCHES OVER LIGHTERS
Most lighters are made out of plastic and filled with butane fuel, both petroleum products. Since most lighters are considered “disposable,” over 1.5 billion end up in landfills each year. When choosing matches, pick cardboard over wood. Wood matches come from trees, whereas most cardboard matches are made from recycled paper.
37. LET YOUR FINGERS DO THE WALKING—ONLINE
Consider if you really need a paper phone book. If not, call to stop phone book delivery and use an online directory instead. Some estimate that telephone books make up almost ten percent of waste at dump sites. And if you still receive the book, don’t forget to recycle your old volumes.
38. GIVE IT AWAY
Before you throw something away, think about if someone else might need it. Either donate to a charitable organization or post it on a web site designed to connect people and things, such as Freecycle.org.
39. GO TO A CAR WASH
Professional car washes are often more efficient with water consumption. If everyone in the U.S. who washes their car themselves took just one visit to the car wash we could save nearly 8.7 billion gallons of water.
40. PLASTIC BAGS SUCK
Each year the U.S. uses 84 billion plastic bags, a significant portion of the 500 billion used worldwide. They are not biodegradable, and are making their way into our oceans, and subsequently, the food chain. Stronger, reusable bags are an inexpensive and readily available option.
41. FLY WITH AN E-TICKET
The cost of processing a paper ticket is approximately $10, while processing an e-ticket costs only $1. In the near future, e-tickets will be the only option, saving the airline industry $3 billion a year. In addition to financial savings, the sheer amount of paper eliminated by this process is commendable.
42. DOWNLOAD YOUR SOFTWARE
Most software comes on a compact disc, and more than thirty billion compact discs of all types are sold annually. That’s a huge amount of waste, not to mention the associated packaging. Another bonus to downloading your software is that it’s often available for download at a later date when you upgrade to a new computer or are attempting to recover from a crash.
43. STOP YOUR ANSWERING MACHINE
Answering machines use energy 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And when they break, they’re just one more thing that goes into the landfill. If all answering machines in U.S. homes were eventually replaced by voice mail services, the annual energy savings would total nearly two billion kilowatt-hours.
44. SKIP THE COFFEE STIRRER
Each year, Americans throw away 138 billion straws and stirrers. But skipping the stirrer doesn’t mean drinking your coffee black. Simply put your sugar and cream in first, and then pour in the coffee, and it should be well mixed.
Determined to stir? Break off a piece of pasta from the cupboard. You can nibble after using it, compost, or throw away with less guilt.
45. FIND A BETTER WAY TO BREAK THE ICE
When a big winter storm heads our way, most of us use some sort of ice melter to treat steps and sidewalks. While this makes the sidewalks safer for people, it may pose a hazard for pets who might ingest these products. Rock salt and salt-based ice-melting products can cause health problems as well as contaminate wells and drinking water. Look for a pet-safe deicer, readily available in many stores.
46. USE COTTON SWABS WITH A PAPERBOARD SPINDLE
Some brands of cotton swabs have a paperboard spindle while others are made of plastic. If 10% of U.S. households switched to a paperboard spindle, the petroleum energy saved per year would be equivalent to over 150,000 gallons of gasoline.
47. PAY BILLS ONLINE
By some estimates, if all households in the U.S. paid their bills online and received electronic statements instead of paper, we’d save 18.5 million trees every year, 2.2 billion tons of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases, and 1.7 billion pounds of solid waste.
48. STOP PAPER BANK STATEMENTS
Some banks will pay you a dollar or donate money on your behalf when you cancel the monthly paper statements you get in the mail. If every household took advantage of online bank statements, the money saved could send more than seventeen thousand recent high school graduates to a public university for a year.
49. USE RECHARGABLE BATTERIES
Each year 15 billion batteries produced and sold and most of them are disposable alkaline batteries. Only a fraction of those are recycled. Buy a charger and a few sets of rechargeable batteries. Although it requires an upfront investment, it is one that should pay off in no time. And on Christmas morning when all the stores are closed? You’ll be fully stocked.
Take what you’ve learned, and pass the knowledge on to others. If every person you know could take one small step toward being greener, the collective effort could be phenomenal.
Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
The Spirit Way
Just copy and paste!!
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The website I found it at!! http://www.december212012.com/CDC.htm
Have a Blessed Week
Love & Light
The Spirit Way
By: M. Farouk Radwan
One of the most popular causes for lack of self confident is becoming one hundred percent dependent on others to feel confident and worthy.
The problem with that approach is that if people judged you in bad way you will feel bad and sometimes worthless.
There is no doubt that in order to become really confident you shouldn’t pay attention to what people say about you especially the ones who don’t know you well.
For such an advice its easier to talk than to apply it because even if you tried not to care about the opinion of others you will still feel bad when they judge you.
The only solution to setting yourself free from the unfair judgment of others is to understand why do people judge others and how their judgment is formed. Once you know how the process works you won’t get affected at all if someone judged you.
The psychology of judging others
You might be thinking that its too selfish not to listen to others or to consider their opinion to be worthy but after you know the following facts you will change your mind.
• The human mind was designed to fill gaps, we assume the intentions of other people when we have missing information and this leads to incorrect judgment most of the time
• Our past influence the way we judge people, for example if a woman was betrayed by a man she might assume that any man who acts in a suspicious way is a cheater
• We relate people’s looks to their personality. If you met an arrogant person in the past then saw someone who looks like him you will assume that they both have the same personality
• We believe that others are like us, if someone lies all the time he will find it hard to believe others because he will think that everybody are liars
• Our beliefs affects our judgment, if someone thinks that all rich people are thieves then he will think that you are a thief the moment he sees your expensive car
• Stereotyping highly affects people’s judgments, anybody who has certain stereotypes defined in his brain might judge someone incorrectly, almost everyone developed some stereo types as the result of being exposed to the media.
In short, most people will judge you incorrectly and if you want to feel confident all the time then you should put no weight to their judgment unless they are really rational people.
Who can judge you accurately?
If a friend spent 10 years with you, won’t he be more likely to judge you correctly? (provided that he doesn’t have any judgment bias)
Of course he will be able to judge you better than someone who has just met you.
Now the question you should ask yourself is, who is the person who spent the most time with you?
Is he your father?
Your best friend?
You are the only one who have been with you since the beginning. In addition, you are the only one who have full access to your intention, your beliefs, your core values and dreams thus you are the only one who can judge himself.
Learn why do people judge others and why you shouldn’t feel bad when being judged
Have a Blessed Weekend
Love & Light
The Spirit Way
By: Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
We all experience stress from time to time. When stress gets to be too much, it can take a toll on our health and wellbeing. That’s why effective stress relievers are essential in restoring inner peace and physical health. Here is a growing list of stress relievers that can help you feel less affected by stress in your life.
Practicing guided imagery is a fun and simple way to take a break from stress, clarify what you want, and build optimism. It’s a relatively quick pathway to mental peace.
Self-hypnosis provides a simple and relaxing route to changing habits, relaxing your body, altering your thought patterns, and more. Because all of these can be stress relievers, self-hypnosis is well worth the effort.
Autogenic allows you to change your physiology with your mind, and reverse your stress response easily.
Journaling can be used in several different ways, all of which can relieve stress. Because journaling is proven by research to bring several health benefits in addition to stress relief, this stress reliever is highly recommended.
Meditation brings short-term stress relief as well as lasting stress management benefits. There are many different forms of meditation to try–each one is unique and brings its own appeal.
Progressive muscle relaxation, or PMR, is a technique that allows you to relax all of the muscles in your body, group by group. Beginning sessions take several minutes, and allow you to feel physically and emotionally relaxed when done. With practice, you can achieve full-body relaxation within seconds.
Yoga incorporates breathing exercises, meditation, and light exercise. One session brings initial stress relief, and continued practice brings greater resilience to stress. It’s one of the more potent stress relievers.
Breathing exercises provide convenient and simple stress relief in that they can be used anytime, anywhere, and they work quickly.
Enjoying a good game with a group of friends, or playing something relaxing online can take your mind off of your stressors, and can lead to a more relaxed state. Games are stress relievers that work well because people enjoy them enough to use them regularly.
Within a healthy relationship, sex can be a fantastic stress reliever, as it incorporates several other stress relief ingredients–breathing, touch, social connection, and a few others–and brings a rush of endorphins and other beneficial chemicals with orgasm. It’s another one of the more “fun” stress relievers that can also be quite effective.
The physical act of laughing releases tension and brings positive physiological changes. Finding ways to work more laughter into your day can be an effective route to stress relief.
While biofeedback requires some special equipment, this stress relief technique can allow you to become more aware of and consciously alter the physiological changes that come with stress. By using your mind to relax your body, you can relax your mind to a greater degree as well, creating a positive feedback loop.
13. Music Therapy
Music can alter your physiology in ways that help you to relieve stress. It’s an enjoyable, passive route to stress relief. Formal music therapy sessions can help with a variety of stress-related issues.
14. Take a Walk
Exercise is a fantastic stress reliever that can work in minutes. Taking a walk allows you to enjoy a change in scenery, which can get you into a different frame of mind, and brings the benefits of exercise as well. Learn about the other benefits of walking as a stress reliever.
15. Plant a Garden
Getting outside and enjoying the scenery is just one of the ways that gardening can contribute to stress relief. Read about the other stress reliever benefits of planting a garden.
16. Time Management
Honing your time management skills can allow you to minimize the stressors that you experience, and better manage the ones you can’t avoid. When you are able to complete everything on your “to do” list without the stress of rushing or forgetting, your whole life feels easier.
17. Listen To Music
Finding a music therapist isn’t the only way music can help as a stress reliever. Creating playlists for various moods (a cathartic mix for when you want to process feelings, an upbeat mix for when you need more energy, etc.) can help you to relieve stress passively, enjoyably, and conveniently.
A poor diet can bring greater reactivity toward stress. A healthy diet can bring greater physical and emotional wellness. Find some simple go-to meals and snacks, and feel less stressed in your daily life.
Relationships can be great stress relievers. Knowing how to keep your relationships healthy through effective communication is one of the best investments of time and energy for stress relief.
Aromatherapy has proven benefits for stress relief–it can help you to become energized, more relaxed, or more present.
Consuming caffeine too late in the day can affect sleep quality, which impacts stress levels. Consuming too much caffeine in general can make you more emotionally reactive to stress. Learn how much caffeine is too much.
Speaking of knowing limits, maintaining careful limits with alcohol is particularly important. One glass of red wine at the end of the day can bring relaxation, but too much alcohol can obviously bring a host of other problems.
Putting off a stressful or labor-intensive project can only increase the stress you experience. Learn how to stop procrastination can allow you to get done what you need to do, without the added stress of rushing for a deadline.
24. Drink Green Tea
Sitting with a glass of green tea and planning for the day ahead, or reflecting on the day behind (remember–decaf at night!) can provide you with a nice break and a taste of peace. You’ll experience the health benefits of green tea as well.
Receive two newsletters twice a week on stress and stress relief, and find simple and effective ways to relieve stress at a pace you can handle easily. You’ll also stay up-to-date on stress research, find ways to connect with other readers, and get stress management information on topics that matter most to you.
If you’d like even more ideas for stress relievers, visit this list of 25 More Stress Relievers To Try!
Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
The Spirit Way
By: Rachel R. White
Once I was silently riding an elevator with a friend when I realized in the last few quiet moments, I had been glowing, feeling ecstatic. It was one of those times where you know you were thinking something really good that felt just delightful but then it slips away and you are left going, “wait, what was I just thinking? Come back, I liked that!” The feeling that passed was juicy, kind of like when you reeeally like someone. “Who do I like?” I asked my friend. Who was it I was thinking of? Then it hit me…the person I was thinking I had a crush on was me! I was feeling happy and gushy about myself.
It is one thing to feel good about yourself in moments, but it is quite another to take that fleeting crush and make it in to a long-term relationship. When faced with the idea of being in a relationship with myself years ago I would’ve felt depressed. While I could feel a shallow infatuation with myself in moments, even I didn’t want to be in a relationship with me.
The writer, Sark in her book Prosperity Pie asks, “what if when someone asks you if you are dating anyone, you respond ‘well I am really involved in loving myself right now.’” Here are some of my tips:
Falling in Love with Yourself
Get to really know yourself: Try to be present to your experiences. What are you thinking and feeling? This one is especially hard as it seems the reasons we don’t like ourselves is often because we don’t like being in ourselves – being present to the now and what we are thinking and feeling. Try to just stay aware and experience your feelings, even if it is unpleasant.
Learn what your likes and dislikes are. It can be as simple as “I did not care for this movie” or “I like this summer rain.” Finding what your preferences are and stating them can feel empowering.
Respect and listen to your emotions. We all have parts we’d rather not listen to…inner critic anyone? Yet even with that inner critic you can thank it for it’s input and move on. Your parts are all there for a purpose, you can also ask yourself, what would this part rather be doing?
Nurture your Inner Children.
For me, connecting with my inner children is where I began to learn empathy and gentleness toward myself which I think are the two most key-factors in having a relationship with yourself. I had spent much of my life pushing these inner children away, I had to really work on making a relationship with them. I connected with my inner children through meeting them in meditation, writing them letters and emotionally checking in with them. When you are caring for your inner children as well as yourself, it becomes easier to be gentle with your adult-self. For instance, I could work all day without getting exercise or going outside, but I don’t want my inner 5-year-old stuck at the computer all day, so I try to take walks.
Finding your core-self.
This is your wise self, and everyone has a wise self. The way that I get in touch with this part is to close my eyes and let my thoughts drift past, as in a meditative state and work on connecting to myself, to what I am feeling. After awhile there is a strong feeling that comes from within, a part that feels as though it is waiting to be discovered. A fabulous secret about this part is that once you find it, you can ask it questions and feel the answers coming up from within.
Being in a Relationship with Yourself
Gentleness is key. Become sensitive to what you are feeling, do what feels good for you. Don’t compromise your comfort for other people.
Have Empathy: Have empathy for your past self, remember that you did the best you could at the time, and you survived. Begin to tell the story of your life to yourself with you as the hero or heroine.
You are a multi-faceted being and there will be multiple dimensions of self-acceptance. This is a long journey so be patient with yourself.
Check in with yourself multiple times during the day to see how you are feeling.
Create Boundaries: Explore what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with. Notice when you are feeling uncomfortable. Work towards creating boundaries with those around you.
Observe how you are in situations, are you responding or reacting unconsciously? Do you know when you are reacting? Work on not simply reacting. Become curious to your reactions as well as emotions.
Respect Yourself: Kens Ray recently wrote about this. In this post he finds that when he does not respect his home, leaving it messy, guests and family are more likely to leave messes too, but if he keeps his house neat, they will pick up after themselves. Self respect works the same way, if you respect yourself you will receive a lot more respect.
Indulge in a date with yourself. Do whatever you enjoy. For me this may mean buying magazines and flipping through them while listening to my favorite albums or watching movies I want to see while sipping pretty drinks. Whatever the feel-good activity is for you, do a lot of that.
Make your masturbation joyful, sensuous and celebratory!
Make a list of all the things you like about yourself, this comes in handy in moments of self-doubt
Take photos of yourself. Just as you would snap memories with a new beau or a friend, take photos of and for yourself.
Be generous with your time. Don’t scold yourself for spending hours in the bath or curled up reading. Give yourself some downtime.
Have a good long journaling session about your dreams, your goals, who you want to be. Ask yourself the big questions you would ask a significant other.
Have an adventure with yourself! Adventures come in all sizes, from walking to the nearest park to swing or going out for ice cream or taking a trip on the train to anywhere-just you and your luggage.
If you have a good relationship with yourself, it is highly likely that you’ll have good relationships with other people. We like being around positive people that like themselves — think about it, no one wants to hang out with your inner critic! It should also be said that you should surround yourself with people who mirror this positive image of you.
I think we sometimes write off self-love as something cliche or something that is selfish… but neither could be further from the truth. Self love takes an incredible amount of bravery and is an extremely virtuous endeavor.
Remember, the good news is that the capacity for self love and a self-relationship is already within you, you just have to find that spark and grow it.
Happy Happy Easter
Love & Light
The Spirit Way
By: Lori Deschene
“Begin at once to live and count each separate day as a separate life.” ~Seneca
At times, it’s seemed as though life contains an endless supply of days.
When I was younger, I thought this for sure. It didn’t matter how long I held a grudge, or how long I waited to do something I wanted—there would be an unlimited pool of other opportunities. At least that’s what I thought back then.
Maybe it’s a rite of passage from childhood to adulthood: the moment when you realize life happens now, and that’s all you’re guaranteed. It doesn’t really hit you when you merely know it intellectually, like you know your ABCs, state capitals, and other concrete facts.
It hits you when somehow you feel it. Your health declines. You lose someone you love. A tragedy rocks your world. It isn’t until you realize that all life fades that you consider now a commodity and a scarce one at that.
But maybe that’s irrelevant. Maybe living a meaningful, passionate life has nothing to do with its length and everything to do with its width.
With this in mind, I recently asked Tiny Buddha’s Facebook friends, “How do you live life to the fullest?” I was inspired by what they had to say, so I’ve used them to create this list:
1. Live in the moment. Forget the past and don’t concern yourself with the future. (Tanner Christensen)
2. Fully embrace the now, no matter what the situation. (Patrick Flynn)
3. Do the things you love. (Diego Felipe Villa Serna)
4. Learn to forgive and embrace unconditional love. (Ann Glasgow)
5. Live every day as if it’s your last, embracing each experience as if it’s your first. (Jennifer Fertado)
6. Believe in “live and let live.” (Satyendra Pandey)
7. Use quiet reflection, honesty, and laughter. (Erin Rogers Kronman)
8. Be other-centered. (Tricia Mc)
9. Find calm in making art. (Z.r. Hill)
10. Focus on today and how you can do your best to live it to the fullest. (Amelia Krump)
11. Participate in life instead of just watching it pass you by. (Lindsey Wonderson)
12. Stay healthy, eat right and most importantly, be kind to all. (Tho Nguyen)
13. Pray, forgive yourself, appreciate others, listen to your gut, do things you enjoy, and remind yourself that we are all loved and connected. (Sandra Lumb)
14. Don’t sweat the small stuff. (Allison Gillam)
15. Question everything, keep it simple, and help whenever and however you can. (Lynda Corrigan Sutherland)
16. Try to enjoy every minute of every day. (Maria Ahlin)
17. Appreciate life’s every second. (Anna-Karin Boyaciyan-Demirciyan)
18. Step through new doors. The majority of the time there’s something fantastic on the other side. (Terri Mindock)
19. Remember that all is a gift, but the most precious of all gifts is life and love. (Debbie Teeuwen)
20. Keep your spirit free, be flexible, let go. (Leslie Brown)
21. “Do one thing every day that scares you.” -Baz Luhrmann (Adam Raffel)
22. Don’t attach to outcomes. (Wp Ho)
23. Spend as much time with a two year old as possible. (Jackie Freeman)
24. Enjoy each and every moment of life. Every day is a new challenge and opportunity to discover something new. (Chirag Tripathi)
25. Budget travel. It is always an adventure! You get to enjoy what fate has to offer with limited means. (Ruby Baltazar)
26. Be honestly thankful for every breath you take. (Jonathan Carey)
27. Just be. (Catherine Halvorsson)
28. “Trust yourself. Trust your own strengths.” ~Gaundalf the grey (Jonathan David Evan Fulton)
29. Pause momentarily before everything you do so that you notice everything you should or could notice. (Scott Hutchinson)
30. Follow your hopes and not your fears. (Jody Bower)
What have you done today to live life to the fullest?
Have a Blessed Weekend & Easter!!
Love & Light
The Spirit Way
After the most devastating loss, support groups can be a lifesaver for survivors struggling to rekindle their lives.
By: Debra Bradley Ruder
Tips for grievers:
Give yourself time to grieve.
Take care of yourself physically: Rest, eat and exercise.
Consider joining a support group or meeting with a counselor.
Jot down thoughts and feelings in a journal.
Remember that it’s OK to cry; tears can be healing.
Seek comfort in your faith, if that feels right.
Work through your “unfinished business” with the deceased person to express your love, gratitude, regrets, anger. You might try an armchair conversation with him or her.
Develop comforting rituals that continue your bond with the person, like looking through photos, preparing familiar meals or marking anniversaries.
It’s OK to cherish belongings of the person who has died, like jewelry, books or furniture.
You may find satisfaction in carrying on your loved one’s work.
Seek comfort in your lifelong sources of joy, such as nature or music.
Pay attention to your kids; they are grieving, too.
Know that pangs of sadness and longing are normal, even years after the death.
Tips for friends and supporters of the bereaved:
Don’t be silent or afraid to talk about the deceased person.
On the anniversary of his/her death, ask how the survivor is doing, or whether there’s anything you can do to help.
Write a note remembering the person who died, for example to his/her children.
Understand that the bereaved person’s life has changed. He or she may be a single parent, or struggling financially, and may not be able to resume activities of the past.
Debra Bradley Ruder is a Boston area-based writer and editor with a longtime interest in end-of-life issues. She currently edits the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute’s award-winning research magazine, and her freelance stories have appeared in Newsweek, The Boston Globe and Harvard Magazine.
When her husband died at age 44 from nonsmoker’s lung cancer, Christine Cleary of Cambridge, Mass., was shocked, heartbroken and angry. How could Ed be taken away so young, leaving their two daughters fatherless and Christine without her soul mate of 16 years?
Although her friends and relatives were supportive, they soon resumed their normal lives — but Christine couldn’t.
Feeling terribly alone in the months after Ed’s death, she sought refuge in a support group for young widows and widowers hosted by a local hospital. “These people were in the same boat, and we understood one another,” she recalls. “They were my lifeline.”
The bereavement group, which ran for eight sessions, offered a place for Christine to cry, talk about her husband, and pick up useful tips like this one: When you go anywhere with other people, take your own car so you can leave if you’re upset. Slowly, the group — which continued to meet on its own for about two years — helped her begin to redefine herself beyond the wife of a seriously ill man or a widow. Now, seven years later, she finally feels like herself once more; “It took that long to feel my life is rich again.”
Christine’s experience reflects many of the benefits of support groups, according to Mary Lou Hackett, LICSW, a clinical social worker at the Dana-Farber/Brigham and Women’s Cancer Center in Boston. For the past 14 years, Hackett has led bereavement groups for spouses of patients who have died from cancer, helping them come to grips with their lost hopes and dreams and begin, albeit slowly, to find joy and meaning in their lives.
“They feel understood,” notes Hackett. “As one person in the group said, ‘You can’t say anything too stupid here. …To know that you aren’t losing your mind, that grief is hard physically and emotionally, is enormously sustaining for people.”
Grief is a universal experience, but it differs according to the survivor’s personality, cultural and religious beliefs, coping skills and support system, as well as the circumstances of the death. Losing a young child to illness or a friend to suicide is wholly unlike losing one’s aging parent to natural causes. Support groups that focus on a particular kind of loss are most successful, observers say.
The commonly accepted “phases” of grief include disbelief, yearning, anger, sadness and acceptance. However, people often experience the first four as a set of emotions, rather than a distinct series of stages leading up to acceptance, notes Holly Prigerson, PhD, a bereavement authority based at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute who studies both normal grief and a severe form called prolonged grief disorder.
Another common reaction after a death is guilt. The survivor might wonder, “Why didn’t I take him to that other doctor?” or, “I promised her that she would die at home, but she didn’t.” Support groups can help you realize that you did the best you could, says Hackett. “The grief process is the first step in going forward.”
Grief takes time, but as a culture we generally don’t encourage mourners to take that time. Some rituals, like the Jewish customs of sitting Shiva (a weeklong period of mourning) and reciting the Kaddish (a mourner’s prayer) for up to a year, give survivors who follow them a comforting structure for their sorrow.
Anyone who has lost a loved one knows that you don’t “recover.” Instead, you learn to incorporate their absence and memories into your life and channel your emotional energy toward others. Eventually, it has been said, your grief walks beside you instead of consuming you.
“In general, bereaved survivors shouldn’t think of ‘getting over’ a loss, but develop ways to get used to it,” says Prigerson. “Even years after someone dies, pangs of grief may come out of the blue, and feelings of heartache and missing the deceased are rekindled. That’s normal.”
In a 2006 interview with The New York Times, Mexican writer Carlos Fuentes described having two children die before they turned 30. “You go on,” he reflected. “You bring the person you love inside you. That is how you cope. You make him or her live within you.”
Christine Cleary has done exactly that with her late husband, Ed, a graphic designer and artist who died in 2000. She loves describing Ed’s upbeat and easygoing manner, visiting with his old friends, and seeing Ed’s traits — like his passion for baseball — in their teenage daughters. She honors his memory by helping organize an ongoing art exhibit at Massachusetts General Hospital, and she marks the anniversary of his death with a quiet, reflective day off from her work as a writer/editor. For several years, Christine has been romantically involved with a man who, similarly, lost his wife to cancer. They’re both comfortable talking about their late spouses.
Death forces you to look back, and acceptance involves slowly turning your body around to look forward, Christine explains. “If you begin a new chapter of life, you carry the person you lost along with you.”
Have a Blessed Day
Love & Light
The Spirit Way